


Pride and Prejudice and Prongs

by IbisMisunderstood



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-04-17 19:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14196222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IbisMisunderstood/pseuds/IbisMisunderstood
Summary: A James/Lily AU with background wolfstar, roughly based on Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.Lily is two years younger than James Potter and Severus Snape, and so she didn't have the pleasure of knowing them very well at Hogwarts. But now she's joined the Order of the Phoenix she will be forced to put up with Potter regularly. Her new friend Severus Snape seems alright though. Background wolfstar.





	1. Chapter 1

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single auror in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a girlfriend. “ Remus Lupin quoted dryly. 

James Potter didn’t hear him. He was too busy ranting.

“- and if that wasn’t bad enough, guess what the hag did next?” He continued without pausing to let Remus guess what the old hag did next.  
“she offered me a bloody cleansweep! She tried to bribe me into taking out her troll of a granddaughter. Do I look like a sodding male escort to you? Do I look like I need to whore myself out to stuffy spoilt brats? As if I’d even want a cleanswe –“

Remus tuned his friend back out, and returned to reading the paper. He’d almost reached the end when James caught his attention with a yell.

“Oy! You could at least pretend to listen to me!” Remus was relieved to hear the slight note of amusement in his friend’s voice. James Potter was very nearly always in good humour, but when his bad moods did strike, he could be unbearably unreasonable. 

“You’re right, I was being inconsiderate. Please do tell me more about all the women who want to date you, and how difficult it is” Remus replied. The sentence would have seemed bitter, if it wasn’t said with such flippant cheerfulness. 

James’s scowl briefly lessened. He was about to reply when Remus jumped up.

“Oh damn” he cursed, “I’m late for the Order training session - Are you coming James?”

“Do I have to?” James groaned.

Remus shrugged, “I’m not your mum”

“I already know how to fight, I don’t need training” James complained.

“Then don’t go”

“I get enough of all that at work”

“No one’s making you go to the order meeting James” Remus said patiently.

James was silent for a long moment, and then he sighed loudly and stood “I’m coming” he grumbled. 

 

~~~

 

Lily had been counting down the minutes to the Order of the Phoenix training session all day.  
It was her first training session with the Order. She had heard rumours regarding Dumbledore’s secret organisation for years. Accounts of the order’s power, members and actions varied so much, the group had taken on a mythic quality in Lily’s imagination. She’d almost asked Dumbledore if he was pranking her when he turned up at her tiny flat and asked her to join. But the question would’ve felt a bit daft after his grave warnings of the mortal danger she’d be placing herself in if she signed up. So instead she had politely told him she’d be delighted to help any way she could, and he went on to explain that she would begin by attending training sessions led by Mad Eye Moody.

Lily willed herself to feel sombre and purposeful as she arrived at the abandoned church where the meeting would take place. But really, she just felt excited. She was finally gaining entry into Dumbledore’s inner and most trusted circle. She was finally going to do something useful in the resistance against Voldemort. 

She had arrived 10 minutes early, and found only Mad Eye Moody, who was circling the large hall, carefully checking for any sign of tampering. Moody introduced himself gruffly, and then informed her that most members arrive about 15 minutes after the start time, and the real start time was always half an hour after the agreed upon time. 

Any embarrassment Lily may have felt from the gaffe was forgotten when the other members started arriving and introducing themselves to Lily. Like Moody, a lot of them were well-known figures in wizarding society. There was the famous auror couple the Longbottoms, the Prewitt Brothers who were beaters for Puddlemere United, and Edgar Bones, who Lily recognised as a rather senior Ministry Official, although she couldn’t remember what department he worked for. There were some younger faces that she recognised from Hogwarts as well, such as Sirius Black – a popular prankster two years older than her, who arrived on a loud flying motorcycle, and, to Lily’s happy surprise, her Ravenclaw high school friend, Marlene McKinnon and her boyfriend Caradoc Dearborn.

‘Is this why you’ve been so elusive lately?’ Lily teased after the friends had greeted one another.  
‘Oh no, that’s just run of the mill exhaustion. This is only my third meeting. You’ve only just joined then?’ Marlene asked a little breathlessly.  
‘Dumbledore only invited me yesterday’ Lily admitted. 

They were interrupted by Moody’s call for attention. The room quickly became quiet as Moody began explaining the spells that they would be practising. Half way through Moody’s explanation, two more familiar figures entered the hall. With an unpleasant jolt, Lily recognised James Potter and his friend Remus Lupin as they quietly joined their friend Black just ahead of her. Lily watched as Potter returned Black’s welcoming grin with a scowl. 

Lily jumped as Moody interrupted her thoughts with a yell to pair up. As Marlene wandered off with her boyfriend to begin practising, Lily looked around uncomfortably for a partner, avoiding looking to her right where the three boys were standing. But everyone else had quickly partnered off, and so she turned towards the boys with resignation to find them bickering amongst themselves. 

“I can’t believe it, I’ve had an absolutely rubbish day today, and now the two of you are trying to fob me off onto some twit” Potter was whining.

“Oh come off it Prongs” Black laughed, “One of us always partners with you. Go find someone else to beat for a change”

“You know I hate drilling with people I don’t know. It’s sodding insufferable. The Prewitts are partnered together, Moody’s supervising, and Vance hasn’t shown up – there is no one else I want to pair with”

“You are so bloody picky!” cried Black, “Merlin Prongs, it’s the Order of the Phoenix, I’m sure everyone here is capable enough” 

“You two are the only decent fighters in the room,” said Potter, glaring at his friends stubbornly.

“We are pretty good” Black acknowledged, with a grin “But what about that red head girl?” He suggested, tilting his head towards Lily. “She seems alright”

Potter turned around and glanced at Lily before quickly turning back to his friends. “Yeah, whatever, she seems fine. But she’s not nearly enough to tempt me. I am not in the mood tonight to teach the new girl basic duelling techniques. You are completely wasting your ti-“

“Okay, okay” Lupin interrupted hurriedly, aware that they were easily within earshot of the aforementioned girl. “I’ll go and you two can be partners”, he said, already walking away.

“tut tut Moony” Black joked to his friend’s retreating back “if you give him what he wants all the time he’ll never stop throwing tantrums”. 

Lupin ignored him as he had just reached Lily and was introducing himself with an apologetic smile. 

Lily quickly buried her humiliation and offered a friendly smile in return. 

The rest of the meeting sped by quickly as they worked on the exercises Moody had outlined. Altogether, the meeting passed off rather well – She was pleased to find that she didn’t embarrass herself during the drills, and by the end of the night her spell-work was markedly faster and stronger. Remus Lupin was an exceptional partner – he was so infallibly calm and good humoured, that Lily couldn’t help liking him despite his choice of friends. 

“So I’m rather grateful that James Potter was such a bloody rude prick and refused to partner with me” Lily blithely told Marlene when they caught up for coffee the next day to discuss the meeting. “He would have been a nightmare, no wonder his friends were trying to fob him off onto me”. 

__

AN: So it’s the first time I’ve tried anything like this. Let me know what you think.


	2. Second Impressions

About a week later, James, Sirius and Remus entered the old church for the next Order of the Phoenix meeting. Once again, they were late and missed half of Moody’s instructions.

When Moody barked at them to start, Sirius turned to James with his eyebrows raised.

“Is it alright with you if I pair with Remus this week James, or are we going to have another tantrum?”

James grinned sheepishly. 

“Yeah, yeah – I know when I’m not wanted” he agreed easily. He looked around the hall for a partner, and noticed a red head girl approaching the group. He tried to catch her eye, but she stared straight past him. 

“ ‘Evening Remus” she greeted lightly “Do you mind if we partner again?”

“Moonys with me today, you’ve got that one” Sirius said, hooking his thumb at James. 

The girl didn’t look away from Remus.

“Oh come now, you can hardly expect me keep up with an Auror, I’m far too new.” She argued good-naturedly as James looked at her property for the first time.

“Please Remus –” she continued.

“Hold on, don’t I know you?” James interrupted.

She finally glanced at him. “I was two years below you at Hogwarts” she said briefly, turning back to Remus.

The memory came to James with a rush.

“Oh that’s right, you’re the –“

“Yep” she interrupted cheerily. “I’m the third year girl you hit with an Inflatus Jinx because you over-heard me bad mouthing Quiddich”

James, who’s mind had been moving in a completely different direction, was caught off guard. He scrambled for something appropriately remorseful to say, but it was really difficult to think clearly with his arse of a best mate doubled over with laughter right next him.

“Oh god James! An Inflatus Jinx?” Sirius gasped out “What a shit – what a little shit-“

“Oh, as if you were any better” James argued with a grin. He really was quite ashamed of how he behaved as a teenager, but Sirius’s laughter was damn infectious. 

“You see Remus” Lily joked lightly. “You can’t make me partner with Potter – Having him throw spells at me would just bring back traumatic memories” She took Remus’s arm and pulled lightly. 

With a small shrug and an apologetic smile to his friends, Remus let Lily lead him away. 

“Traitor!” An outraged Sirius yelled after them, his voice still hoarse from laughter. 

“Lupins going to pay for that” He grumbled to James.

But James didn’t hear him – he was watching Lily Evans. 

~~~

At the next Order meeting, James would have liked to partner with Lily. But once again, with good-natured entreaties and jokes, she managed to pry Remus away instead. 

Both Sirius and James were rather disgruntled by this.

“This is your fault you know” Sirius griped.

“What’d I do!?” cried James.

“You offended Evans, so she’s never going to partner with you, Vance is off on some mysterious mission for the foreseeable future, and everyone else has partners” Sirius explained darkly

“She’s not still mad at me for jinxing her?” 

“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about her first week - when you were in a huff and refused to partner with her”

It took James a good few moments to figure out what Sirius was talking about. 

“Oh” he said flatly, as the memory came to him. “Was that her?”

“Yep”

“I didn’t say anything that bad, did I?”

“It wasn’t great”

James searched his memory. Did he say something about not being tempted maybe? Or did he have a go at her for being new? He remembered using the word ‘twit’, but he was almost certain it wasn’t aimed at her. 

“Are you sure she heard?” James asked, his stomach twisting uncomfortably.

“I dunno Prongs, does she have ears?” 

James sighed. “Bugger”

~~~

Horace Slughorn was pleased with himself. Lily could read her mentor like a book, and she could already tell that he was bursting with something to tell her.

Still, he went through the normal motions for their little catch-ups. He interrogated her on the status of her more impressive acquaintances, and made several recommendations for ways she could impress or flatter them. Lily generally ignored this advice – Slughorn’s methods for accumulating powerful friends made her cringe. 

None of her friends could understand why Lily gave him so much of her time – especially now that she wasn’t even a student. But then, none of her friends were Muggleborn.

The fact was, Horace Slughorn had taught Lily more than any other teacher at the school. Not only had he taken her favourite class and accepted her into the Slug Club - He had taught Lily things about the wizarding world that you simply could not learn from a book or a class. While books taught that the Minister for Magic and the various Department Heads ran the wizarding world, Slughorn could explain the intricate politics and competing influences of the various pure-blood families who made regular “donations” to the Ministry. The other teachers would advise that you needed good marks to pursue your chosen career, and perhaps some further education. But Slughorn knew that the best jobs were given to the family and friends of those with power and he knew how to access those powerful people.

He had explained to Lily what no one else would admit. That as a Muggleborn, she was already 5 steps behind most of her classmates – and she was 10 steps behind those with pure blood. She had no family name or connections to support her – and to compensate she would have to work harder than anyone else to prove herself. 

On top of this practical guidance, she and Slughorn had formed a genuine bond over the years. He had been there throughout her entire adolescence – he had laughed at her jokes, and listened to her dreams. He’d encouraged her and made her believe she was special. 

And so, despite his faults, Horace Slughorn was like family to her. 

“And how are you finding Damocles?” Slughorn asked her. 

“He’s perfectly well Horace” 

“You’ll pass on my regards, I hope? Do tell him that I am so fond of him. He was one of my absolute favourite students of all time, you know. A natural – an absolute genius!” 

Lily smiled to herself. Ever since she had begun her apprenticeship with the influential potineer, Slughorn had been badgering her to pass on his excessive compliments. She knew perfectly well that his “all time favourite students” regularly changed, depending on his audience. 

Still, since Slughorn was the one who got Lily the fully funded apprenticeship, she could hardly refuse him. 

After Lily had promised to pass on Slughorn’s praises, he was finally ready to give her his news.

“I have a new opportunity for you Lily” he said mysteriously.

“Oh!” confused, she asked “But… my apprenticeship...?”

“It has served its purpose Lily, this is too good for you to pass up. Don’t worry yourself about Damocles, I already have someone in mind to replace you”

Lily was not convinced. She had only been with for Damocles for a year, and she really wanted to keep working on the wolfsbane potion.

Slughorn, full of contained excitement, handed her a piece of parchment.

Lily looked at it, and then dropped it. 

She didn’t understand, it was too much…

She gaped at Slughorn, who was laughing merrily at her reaction. 

“How…?” she breathed.

“My dear, how many times have I told you not to underestimate the power of a few useful connections” Slughorn chided exuberantly. 

It was ridiculous. He had somehow scammed some poor fool into giving her a full grant to conduct her own experimental potions project. She was only one year out of Hogwarts, and this grant was almost as large as Damocles’s.

She would have been lucky to receive a grant half as large after spending 5 years as an apprentice. To get funding for a full project – ingredients, rent... even an assistant included… without even having to write a proposal…

“But I don’t even have a proposal” Lily protested weakly “How am I suppose to start a project? What am I going to do?” She was overwhelmed. 

“Lily, I have taught at Hogwarts for over fifty years, and you are one of the most gifted potioneers I have ever known” Slughorn said firmly “I have complete and utter faith in you – you will be a success”

Lily’s anxiety eased.

“My own project…” she whispered, beginning to smile. Excitement bloomed in her chest as she contemplated all the wonderful options suddenly available to her.

Unable to contain herself, she suddenly burst out laughing. 

Slughorn beamed at her, almost as pleased as she was.

“It’s ridiculous Horace – I think I’ll need a week before I believe it!” She took both his hands in hers. “But thank you – thank you thank you thank you. I will always be in your debt for this – Always!”

“Nonsense Lily! Don’t mention debts to me! It was my pleasure!”

They spent the rest of their meeting discussing potential project ideas. Before Lily left Hogsmeade, she affixed the following note to the noticeboard at the Three Broomsticks:

‘Potions Assistant Wanted: 1 – 2 year project. Address owls to Lily Evans’

 

~~~

 

AN: I should probably mention - Peter Pettigrew will not be appearing this story. He was inconvenient, so I mercilessly erased him from existence.


	3. Pride

The response to Lily’s advertisement for an assistant had been disappointing. She was not surprised; it was not a glamorous or well-paid job. Private experimental potions work had changed very little since the Middle Age. A wealthy private citizen – traditionally a noble, funded each project. The Potion Master oversaw the project, while a number of apprentices carried out the potions work. Traditionally apprentices were second or third sons from wealthy families – they earned no wage, but they gained the skills needed to become a Master themselves one day. Lily would be carrying out her own potions work - she did not expect any applications for apprenticeships, she was not well known enough.  
The assistant was a step below the apprentices. A house-elf or an illiterate servant traditionally held the position. In modern times, the position was often held by Hogwarts dropouts, or squibs. The role of the potions assistant was to perform simple labour such as washing cauldrons, preparing ingredients, and mopping floors. 

So Lily was extremely confused by one of the applications she had received from a man called Severus Snape. According to his application, he was ridiculously over-qualified – he had received an Outstanding Potions NEWT from Hogwarts, and he claimed to have completed the 3-year Ministry training program to become a Ministry Experimental Potions Officer. If his application was accurate, he was more qualified than Lily herself. 

She was puzzling over his application when a letter arrived from Dumbledore. The note was one line long, and contained a time, an address, and a polite request to meet.

Lily was certain that it meant the Order finally had work for her, but the timing could not have been worse. She could have refused, of course, and the thought did cross her mind. But she didn’t want them to doubt her dedication, and she wasn’t completely convinced that the timing was an unlucky coincidence – she suspected that she was being tested, and she had no intention of failing. 

So she followed the instructions on the note and was amused to find herself in a small apartment above a muggle lolly shop. To her relief, Remus Lupin was there as well.

The meeting was brief and to the point. Dumbledore began by stressing the importance that their task was to remain secret – even to other members of the Order. He then explained that he suspected Voldemort was marking his most loyal follower’s skin with a version of the Protean Charm – or something like it. This felt unlikely to Lily - using a Protean charm on a living creature was unheard of. 

Their task was simply research – they were to learn how it could be possible for such a mark to be made, and then they were to try and find a way of exploiting the marks. The end goal was to find a way to track or summon the death eaters via their marks. 

“I’m afraid, it will be a tedious and thankless task, with very little chance of success,” Dumbledore explained gravely, and Lily’s suspicion that she was being tested increased. 

“However,” Dumbledore continued, “The slim chance success is worth the effort”.

After Dumbledore had left, Lily and Remus perused the lolly shop together, and, in quiet whispers, formed a plan. Lily would search for books that could be useful under the guise of researching her Potions Project. Slughorn had already arranged for her to visit several private libraries owned by some of his more illustrious acquaintances. She would then deliver the books to Remus, who, without paid employment, had ample time to carefully search each book for relevant information. He and Lily would then go over what he found together, to try and solve the puzzle. 

 

~ ~ ~

 

It was a Sunday afternoon – James and Sirius had been scheduled to tail a Death Eater suspect together. But after waiting for him in the freezing cold sleet for 2 hours, they almost immediately lost him due to the poor visibility. And so, in poor spirits, they returned home with some unexpected free time.

James was sprawled across the couch, sporadically reading a book on defensive charms and chatting with his friend.

Sirius had his feet propped up on the coffee table, and was flipping through the newspaper. 

“You’ve made the paper again,” Sirius said, breaking a long silence. “For that muggle rescue on Friday.”

“I know, Mum owled me about it” James answered distractedly, not looking away from his book.

Sirius went back to his paper, and then sat it down with a frown, “You’ve been in the paper a lot recently – what’s the deal? Is the editor a mate of your dad’s or something?”

“Nah, I think they’re just looking for some good news, you know? I’m young and I’m on a bit of a winning streak, so they’ve latched onto it” James spoke through a yawn.

“They’re painting a target on your back is what their doing” Sirius replied, his eyebrows creased. “You should tell them to piss off, the last thing you want to do is become a symbol, James, not if you want to live to your next birthday” 

James snorted, “I’m not hiding from Voldemort. If people don’t hear about all our victories against him, then they’ll just believe all that rubbish about him being all powerful”. 

Sirius knew better than to argue with James about this, so he let it go. 

Finished with the paper, he was just settling into a light doze when suddenly Lily Evans entered their lounge room. 

James shot up, his hand halfway to his wand before he recognised her. He gripped it tightly, and eyed her warily. 

Lily had stopped abruptly, and was staring, shocked to find the two men in their own home.

“What’re you doing here?” James finally blurted, breaking the silence.

“Sorry!” Lily squeaked, snapping out of her surprise. “Only, I’ve been working with Remus all week on this research task for the Order – I’ve been in and out of the house so much – I just - “ 

Remus had mentioned something about an Order research thing with Lily Evans. Sirius and James hadn’t crossed paths with her yet, because they’d been at work throughout the week.

“I really am sorry – I should have knocked – it was just so cold and I was in such a rush… I didn’t think – I mean – I forgot that Remus even had roommates” she finished apologetically.

“It’s fine,” James said stiffly, staring at her. Her wet hair clung to her face, her clothes were splashed with mud, and her eyes sagged with exhaustion. “But Remus is sick in bed, so you’ll have to come back later”. It would be a full moon that night. 

Lily had only known Remus for a month, and their friendship was not a particularly intimate one – despite his pleasant manners and good humour he remained stubbornly distant and contained. Lily had grown fond of him regardless, she found his intelligence impressive and his compassion endearing, and so, with legitimate concern she asked, “what is wrong with him?”

“Erm... duno. He’s tired I guess” James replied, looking away and reaching for his book. Sirius watched his friend’s discomfort with silent amusement – for a man with so many secrets, James really was terrible at lying. 

“Well has he taken any medicine?” Lily asked, a little impatiently, “Has he seen a healer?”

“Uh… no. I mean I don’t know. I don’t think so?” James stumbled.

“How long has he been ill?” she asked slowly, barely hiding her disapproval now.

“Not long! All right, he’s fine! He just needs a rest!” James replied, affronted.

Lily restrained herself from questioning him more. He obviously knew very little and hadn’t made any effort to help poor Remus. “I might go up and see if he wants anything – maybe I can help”.

“No need” Sirius intervened brightly, “I asked him already – he said he’ll decide if he wants a potion or not after he’s had a rest. Don’t worry yourself Lily, I’ll check in on him in an hour or so and see how he’s doing”.

Lily gave Sirius an approving smile “Oh good, I’m glad someone is looking after him”. 

James shot Sirius an annoyed look, which he cheerfully ignored. 

“Is there anything else I can help you with Lily? Or I could pass on a message if you like?” Sirius asked generously, thoroughly enjoying showing James up. 

Lily smiled at him “Thank you Sirius, but that’s alright – you know how Moody is always harping on about keeping Order work as private as possible. I’ll just send him an owl tomorrow to see how he’s doing”

With a hasty farewell, Lily Evans then vanished as abruptly as she appeared. 

The second she was out of site, James picked up a pillow from the couch, and pelted it at his friend’s obnoxiously snickering face.

~ ~ ~

Later that week, Lily arrived at the Three Broomsticks for her weekly catch up with Slughorn. A brief survey of the room told her that he hadn’t arrived yet. She had just settled at their usual table when, with no small amount of dismay, Lily spotted Potter, Black and Remus entering. Silently cursing her bad luck, she turned away and hoped in vain that they wouldn’t notice her.

Unfortunately, when she was spotted, Sirius was mysteriously delighted to see her, and he dragged his friends over to her table.

“Hello Lily!” He said with enthusiasm. Remus greeted her politely, while Potter spared her a brief nod, before he turned away to survey the rest of the pub. Lily smarted at his predictable rudeness. She wondered if he was still angry with her for barging in on him and Sirius, or if he merely considered any conversation with her a waste of his time. 

“How’re you feeling Remus?” Lily asked sympathetically. He still looked a bit unwell, but he responded cheerfully that he was fine.

“I nursed him back to health” Sirius bragged

“Alone” he added, meaningfully. 

“Good job” Lily replied, polite but confused.

James did not rise to Sirius’s bait. Sirius had been giving him shit all week for his fumbling performance on the weekend. He was sick of making an arse of himself in front of Lily Bloody Evans, and had resolved to keep his big mouth shut in front of her from now on.

“What brings you here Lily?” Remus asked, hoping to distract her from his friend’s bizarre behaviour.

“I’m here to meet Horace Slughorn,” she admitted.

“Why on earth would you want to meet with him?” Sirius asked, sincerely confused.

She was about to respond when she spotted her mentor entering the pub. 

“Oh here he is now,” Lily said brightly, waving to him.

“We’ll leave you two alone to chat” Potter said quickly, speaking for the first time, and making to leave. Unfortunately, he was too late. Slughorn had spotted them.

“Why, if it isn’t James Potter and Sirius Black!” Slughorn boomed from halfway across the room, with far too much delight. 

Still panting a little from his walk from Hogwarts, Slughorn approached the group and jubilantly greeted Lily, Sirius and James. He did not acknowledge Remus at all.

“How is your father doing James? I taught him, you know. He was a terribly gifted potioneer – an absolute natur-” Slughorn began

“He’s fine” Potter interrupted, his tone downright angry. But Slughorn continued on, either oblivious or determined, Lily wasn’t sure which. 

“Congratulations on all your good work with the ministry James! It is so delightful to see old students doing so well for themselves, I’ve heard that there is even some talk about you receiving an Order of Merlin. You’re still so young and you’ve already made such a name for yourself! Astounding! I’ve always said you boys would go far, you know, it’s such a shame you weren’t in my house. Especially you Sirius, I’ve been lucky enough to get the rest of your family, I think it’s very unfair that I missed out on the heir himself - ” 

Lily, drowning in shame at her mentors transparent brownnosing, chanced a glance at the three men during this speech. Remus was clearly uncomfortable, but of the three he was the least offended. Sirius’s mischievous expression from earlier dropped away, and become sullen. James Potter grew steadily more outraged with every syllable Slughorn uttered.

Lily wasn’t sure she could feel more ashamed, but then Slughorn turned his unwelcome praise on her.

“But then, just because you aren’t in my house that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends you know, why, just look at my Lily! A Gryffindor, and yet, one of my favourite students of all time. She’s so modest, I bet she hasn’t told you how wonderful she is at potions – I hope you introduce her to your father James, they would have so much in common. Did she tell you about the magnificent potions grant I procured for her? So young and so successful! Quite like yourself, James, I’m so glad you boys are acquainted with her you are such a good match – “

The suggestion that Lily was a good match for James had apparently been the last straw for Potter. Lily, who had already been struggling to remain composed through Slughorn’s speech had to bite back a moan of humiliation when James finally interrupted him. 

“We have to go now,” he snapped.

“Well it was wonderful seeing you again,” Slughorn said, but James had strode away before he finished the sentence, Sirius at his heels. 

“I’ll see you later Lily” Remus said warily, before following.

Slughorn seemed completely unfazed by their abrupt departure. He leaned forward and whispered.

“Lily you’ve been holding out on me! I didn’t realise you knew James Potter!”

“I – erm.. I don’t know him very well.” Lily hedged. “Actually, I’m much better friends with Remus Lupin” She said pointedly, and watched her mentors face carefully for any sign of remorse. He really had been rude to poor Remus.

Slughorn unexpectedly turned grave and reprimanding. 

“You should stay away from Remus Lupin, Lily. No good can come from knowing him” 

Lily seethed, silently. It certainly wasn’t unusual for Slughorn to be dismissive towards students and adults he did not consider worthwhile enough. Lily was downright uncomfortable by her mentor’s neglectful attitude towards less fortunate or gifted students. 

But she ultimately had too much respect for Slughorn to chastise him. Instead, she tightly offered to go to the bar and get them some drinks. She spotted James, Sirius and Remus at the bar, chatting with Madame Rosmerta. Lily faltered for a moment, but then James Potter noticed her, and the look he shot her was so damn ugly, Lily’s pride would not allow her to retreat. 

She approached the group with a determined smile plastered on. 

“Could I please have two butterbeers Rosmerta?” she asked politely. 

“Why on earth would you willingly meet with Horace Slughorn?” Potter immediately asked, his tone derisive.

Lily pretended she didn’t hear him, and instead turned to Remus. 

“I’m so sorry about Horace, Remus. He really was unforgivably rude to you just now. “ 

“It’s fine” Remus replied “really” he added pointedly, looking at James. 

Lily returned to Slughorn with her temper in check, and launched into a new topic of conversation. She pulled out Severus Snape’s Potion’s Assistant application, and asked him what he thought. 

Slughorn’s brow creased as he looked over the application. 

“Snape, Snape, Snape...” he muttered to himself, trying to place the name to a face. 

Suddenly, his expression darkened.

“Oh yes, I remember Snape. He was a fair potioneer. He got it from his mother – I taught her as well. His father was a muggle” He hesitated, and seemed to pick his words carefully when he continued. “I don’t recommend you hire him Lily. He was in my house, but he…well… he didn’t have very good friends” He gave Lily a meaningful look.

Lily had to resist the urge to groan. Of course Slughorn wouldn’t like him if he didn’t have “good” friends. Slughorn didn’t like anyone unless they were well connected. 

“What else do you remember about him? Could you guess at why he would be applying for an Assistant position with his qualifications?” She asked, carefully hiding her impatience. 

“He was… well... he was an odd boy, Lily. A bit of an outcast. He was certainly clever enough – I even considered him for the Slug Club a few times. But in the end I decided against it. He just couldn’t get along with his peers. It could very well be a personality clash that lost him the Ministry job” 

For the second time in one day, Lily was painfully reminded of her mentor’s unjust attitude towards people he considered unworthy. She felt particularly guilty in this case. She wasn’t even a Slytherin, and yet Slughorn had provided her with so much help and support throughout the years. Meanwhile, this clever Slytherin boy had been left to fend for himself, just because he was a bit socially inept. 

This time, Slughorn was the one to forcefully change the topic. 

“Do you think you’ll be ready for an apprentice by the Christmas holidays? I have a student in mind who would be a wonderful fit…”

~ ~ ~

“I tell you what, I dodged a bullet with that Evans girl” James griped to his mates at the bar. They had considered leaving to avoid Slughorn accosting them again. But after he and Lily had settled into their conversation, they decided it would be safe to stay.

“How so?” Sirius asked, eyebrows raised.

“I was going to ask her out in 7th year. But the opportunity didn’t come up, and I guess I eventually just forgot about it, what with everything else going on.”

“I don’t think it would have killed you to ask out a few more girls, Prongs” Sirius quipped lightly.

“And you could do much worse than Lily Evans” Remus added.

“But she’s mates with Slughorn” James said, screwing up his face. “And she’s part of his swotty little suck-up club… Christ, could you imagine what dad’d say if I stated bring ‘round potions wanabees to kiss his arse… I reckon he’d disown me on the spot”.

“I think that Lily would be well received anywhere she went” Remus replied firmly. 

“And I think Mr and Mrs Potter would be delighted if you brought a girl home,” Sirius added.

James rolled his eyes at his ridiculous, contrary friends and went back to silently stewing over how Lily Evans had ignored him earlier. He told himself it was no loss because she wasn’t worth talking to anyway, but somehow he couldn't stop replaying the moment their eyes had met in his mind. 

~ ~ ~

AN:  
Thanks for reading. Big thanks to YouBlitheringIdiot for your nice comments :)


	4. Prejudice

Just before Lily’s fifth year at Hogwarts, she received a shiny prefects badge with her list of required books. There was no initial prefects meeting on the Hogwarts Express that year, instead, Dumbledore politely requested that the prefects briefly meet with him in his office after the Welcoming Feast. 

Lily rushed to his office after showing the first years to the Gryffindor common room, burning with curiosity. At the front of the room stood Professor Dumbledore and a kind Hufflepuff girl Lily had heard was Head Girl. To the left of the Head Girl was James Potter, lounging against Dumbledore’s desk and examining his nails. Lily’s curiosity spiked – had Potter already gotten into trouble?

Soon afterwards, when Dumbledore announced that James Potter was Head Boy, the room broke into mutters of disbelief and outrage. Potter was well known throughout the school for creating chaos and breaking rules. He continued to examine his nails through Dumbledore’s speech, exuding an air of arrogant nonchalance. Dumbledore continued calmly, as though unaware of the indignation in the room.

He went on to explain that he would be making some changes this year to combat the recent increase in dark magic at Hogwarts. The Head Boy and a select group of seventh year Prefects would focus on stopping dark magic and protecting muggle-born students, while the Head Girl and remaining prefects would continue with their regular duties.

“But why James Potter?” A sixth year Ravenclaw spoke up. There was a murmur of agreement through the room. Potter was generally rather popular, but assigning such a blatant rule breaker to the prestigious position felt like an insult to the prefects who had been cleaning up after his pranks for the last few years.

“That is between me and Mr Potter” Dumbledore replied – his voice polite but firm. “If you have any complaints about his performance this year, you are welcome to bring them to me. Are there any other questions?” 

There were no other questions, and so everyone except Potter and his group of seventh years were promptly dismissed.

As soon as the door shut behind them, the fifth year Slytherin Prefect Regulus Black spoke loudly to the sixth year Ravenclaw.

“I know why Potter was made Head Boy – and why Dumbledore has always turned a blind eye to his rule breaking”

The large group of prefects immediately went quiet, straining to overhear what Black had to say. 

“Potter’s parents are good friends with Dumbledore – they’re rich you know, and they’ve always been very generous with their money, especially where Dumbledore is concerned. The whole staff knows that Potter is Dumbledore’s favourite. That’s why Potter’s always breaking the rules – he knows he’ll never get into any real trouble.“

“What would you know about James Potter’s parents” A sixth year Gryffindor scorned. “The reason he was picked is obvious – he’s the only seventh year boy who’s spoken out against dark magic. Besides, he’s been the Gryffindor Quiddich Captain since fifth year, so it’s not like he doesn’t have experience leading”

“My brother is best friends with Potter” Black replied coolly. “He’s been living with him for the last couple of years. The Potters are very well connected – they’re cosy with half the ministry. They are also nuts about their only son and heir, and Dumbledore knows that.”

Lily said nothing, but as she climbed the stairs to the Gryffindor Common room afterwards, she silently hoped Dumbledore wasn’t friends with anyone who had a daughter in her year – she’d at least like a chance of becoming Head Girl.

A few days later, Lily Evans approached James Potter in the Gryffindor Common Room. Potter was at his regular table, in a corner far away from all the others. Potter and his two friends were often seen working together at that table, voices pitched low, surrounded by obscure and advanced books on magic that had nothing to do with schoolwork. 

All three boys stared at her when she approached. 

“Can I have a word with you, Potter?” She asked, her tone businesslike. 

“Sure” He said, turning to her but not making any move to leave his friends.

Lupin and Black went back to their work. So Lily decided to cut straight to the chase. 

“I want to be on your team for the prefect work” 

“Sorry, but no. Only seventh years allowed” Potter dismissed easily, and turned back to his work.

“I’m top of my year, I can keep up with the seventh years.” Lily pressed. “I don’t want to spend my time catching couples snogging in broom closets – I want to do something meaningful”

Potter looked at her again and examined her, is expression thoughtful. Encouraged, Lily kept pushing her point.

“I’m muggle-born you know, I am more affected by Dark Wizards than anyone else –I have a right to help fight”

“What’s your name?” Potter asked, his expression unreadable.

“Lily Evans” she replied, hopeful.

“I appreciate your guts, Evans – I do. But I’m afraid the answer is still no” 

“But why?” Lily asked, crestfallen. 

“Because you’re muggle-born,” 

“What?” 

“Listen Evans, this is serious. Students at this school are connected to actual Death Eaters – and muggle-borns are being murdered out there. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to let you make yourself a target for violence.”

“You’re not going to ‘let me’?” Lily spluttered. “What gives you the right … Don’t you think I should be allowed to decide for myself if fighting is worth the risk?”

The prat had the audacity to grin at her.

“When you’re of age, you’ll be free to risk your life as much as you like, ‘till then, I’m ‘fraid you’re stuck catching truants and love-birds”

Lily made a noise of frustration, before turning on her heel and stalking off. 

Lily grew only more outraged the more she reflected on the encounter – no one had ever told her she couldn’t do something because she was muggle-born before. She burned with indignation when she thought about how Potter was only Head Boy because his pure-blooded family were buddies with Dumbledore, and he had the nerve to reject her because she was a muggle-born. She didn’t care if he was fighting dark magic or not – to Lily he represented everything unfair about pure-blood wizard culture. 

James Potter also reflected on the encounter quite a bit, but with a lot more warmth. He had known Lily by sight for years, but he tended to consider all the younger students below his notice. He was rather surprised to find that he was having a lot of difficulty not thinking about her. The more he reflected, the more he wished to know more of her. 

That weekend, he threw down his transfiguration book with frustration. He’d been attempting to read it for an hour, but his traitorous mind kept returning to the hostile red-head. He decided on the spot that he’d ask her out. He rifled through his pockets, pulled out the Marauder’s map and found the little dot marked ‘Lily Evans’ next to the Great Lake amongst a group of girls. He made his way to the lake, but as he was exiting the entrance hall a curse hit him from behind. The last thing James saw before his eyes began uncontrollably bleeding was a sneer, and black greasy hair. 

When James was released from the hospital wing a couple of days later, he was behind on school, he had missed two Quiddich practises, and two more of his prefects had been attacked with dark magic. The whirlwind of work that followed blew all thoughts of dates and pretty green eyes from his mind. 

-.-.-.-

Lily rented a small potions dungeon under Gladrags Wizardwear for her project, and sent an owl to Severus Snape with an invitation to meet. Ever since speaking with Slughorn, she’d felt an odd sense of connection to the mysterious potioneer. They both came from muggles, and they both excelled at potions. To Lily, Snape represented what she could have easily become if Slughorn hadn’t adopted her. Needless to say, her feelings of empathy increased ten fold when she recognised him as the wizard boy that lived at the poorer end of her neighbourhood. Lily had always known him by sight – she remembered his shabby, ill-fitting clothes and his greasy unkempt hair, but before now she never learnt his name.

Little had changed in the years since he graduated from Hogwarts. His robes were faded and overlarge, his black hair hung around his face in lank greasy strands, his skin was sallow, and a deep scowl was permanently etched into his face.

Severus Snape was exceedingly unfriendly to Lily. His eyes narrowed with dislike when he recognised her, he sneered and looked down his large nose at her when she introduced herself, and he scoffed quietly when she showed him the brewing area. But Lily didn’t mind one bit – she felt nothing but pity for the man. She was certain that she would be unpleasant as well, if she were in the humiliating position of applying for an assistant job when she held a Ministry Qualification. She was also conscious of the fact that she was no more deserving of the grant than he was, and so she returned every cool stare warmly, and every harsh word kindly. 

Lily was burning to ask him what happened between him and the Ministry, but she forced herself to give him a brief introduction to the project first. 

She explained to him how she had been working on a potion to treat werewolfism as an apprentice for Damacoles. She had already done a lot of research on the magical properties of the werewolf curse, and so she had chosen to take her own project in a similar direction. Damacoles was hoping to treat transformations for existing werewolves, but Lily’s research suggested that the curse did not fully take effect until twenty-four hours after the initial bite. Therefore, she would attempt to create a potion that would break the curse completely if taken early enough. 

It was abundantly clear from Snape’s face that he was offended by the project’s aim. His entire body had stiffened at the first mention of werewolves, and his expression had grown steadily harder as she continued.

Lily pretended not to notice the man’s apparent prejudice, and finally asked him about his Ministry Education. 

“I don’t see why you should care” He replied thinly, “I will hardly need a Ministry Qualification for assistant work”

Lily sighed. She hadn’t wanted to say anything until she made up her mind, but decided lay her cards on the table.

“I was thinking of maybe creating a different position for you. You see, I have a lot of… err… personal responsibilities. When I got your application I thought that maybe you could take on more responsibility for the project. Kind of like an apprentice, except paid” 

Lily knew she would struggle to keep her potions work on target while completing her duties for the Order. Snape’s application had seemed like the ideal solution to all their problems – Snape would get slightly better pay, and infinitely more challenging work while Lily would get to keep her potions project and keep up her work for the Order. 

“Of course, I’ll pay you more than an assistant’s wage. Although, I certainly can’t offer what your qualifications are worth.”

Snape stared at her, his expression disbelieving. For a moment, Lily thought that he was pleased, until his expression twisted and in a barely contained whisper he asked.

“Do you mean to tell me, that you have been grated your own potions project while only nineteen years old, and you don’t even intend to work on it yourself?”

Of course he was outraged by the injustice of it all, Lily thought, a little ashamed. She was lucky to get the grant, and she should be making it her first priority… but the fact was, her work for the Order was more important. Every day the newspapers brought new stories detailing the horrors Voldemort and his servants had wrought. She wanted her potions career to succeed so badly it hurt, but she could never live with herself if she didn’t do everything in her power to stop Voldemort.

“I’m sorry” Lily said, meaning it. “It’s not that I’m ungrateful, or unconscious of the honour – and I do still intend on doing a lot of work on the project… but my other responsibilities can not be ignored.” 

“How did you even get the grant?” He asked her bitterly.

Lily flushed with shame when she admitted that it was Slughorn who procured it on her behalf. 

“I see” he said, his voice resigned and his lips thin. Moving on, he continued, “So you want to know about my failed Ministry Career?”

“I need to know why you aren’t working for the Ministry if you completed the Ministry training.” She said apologetically. 

“I can assure you, it has nothing to do with my abilities at potions” he replied stiffly. 

“Then why?” she asked gently.

He didn’t speak for some time. He stared down at a mark on Lily’s desk with his jaw clenched. When he spoke, his voice trembled slightly.

“I offended a man connected to the Minister of Magical Experimentation.” He said shortly. Lily didn’t need to hear any more than that, the rest of the story told itself. There was no such thing as ‘unfair dismissal’ or ‘equal opportunity hiring’ in the wizarding world – those in power were free to give or deny jobs as they saw fit.

“I’m so sorry, Severus” Lily said quietly. “This position is yours if you want it – I’m… I’m only sorry that I can’t offer you more.” 

“I’m hardly in a position to refuse” Snape replied, his voice desperately bitter. 

And so it was agreed that he would start the following week. Lily was so touched by the depth of Severus Snape’s misery, she decided to dock her own pay in order to increase his. After he left she spent hours silently fuming at the injustice of the wizarding world and contemplating the tragic circumstances of Severus Snape.

-.-.-

Later that evening, Lily sat at Remus’s dining table with a steaming cup of tea. She had managed to bring him ten books that were related to the Protean Charm, but only three had seemed really promising. The ancient books were now stacked around them, with the odd page marked with fluorescent muggle post-it notes.

“My mother is a muggle” Remus had explained when she commented on it, “I never quite got the hang of pens, but post-it notes are excellent. I like calculators as well, I tried to sneak one into Hogwarts during my fifth year - I thought it’d help with Arithmancy. But when I tried to turn it on, it blew up in my face! I had to go to the hospital wing to regrow my eyebrows, and the dorm was covered in calculator shrapnel. James and Sirius thought it was hilarious of course, they went and bought ten of them during the Christmas holidays”

When the conversation turned to their task, his tone became tired.

“There was nothing even slightly alluding to the possibility of a Protean Charm on a living thing,” Remus explained. “In fact, according to this book here,” he reached for a particularly thick book, and opened it at a fluoro pink post-it note, “It’s impossible.” He said bleakly, sliding the open book over to Lily.

“As far as I can tell, there are three possible explanations” He continued, “The first is that Dumbledore’s information is simply wrong, and Voldemort is not marking his followers at all. The second is that it is dark magic – in which case it would never be mentioned in respectable books like these. The third explanation is that Voldemort invented the spell himself. If that’s the case, it could be either dark magic or light magic.”

Lily rubbed her face, feeling discouraged. She had really wanted her first Order task to be a success. 

“It’s not enough for us to recreate the spell – if we want to succeed, we have to correctly guess which spell Voldemort has used, and then unpick it” she said slowly, thinking out loud.

“That’s right,” Remus replied. 

“Do you know anything about dark magic?” She asked him weakly.

“Next to nothing, I’m afraid. Do you?”

“I don’t even know what categorises magic as ‘dark’,” Lily admitted. 

“There is no consistent definition” Remus replied thoughtfully, “What is considered ‘dark’ magic tends to change with the morals of the time. Some magic we consider light now use to be considered dark magic – like memory charms or abortive potions. Even within my lifetime, the attitude towards some magic has changed. Love potions use to be considered a bit of a laugh, but I’ve recently seen some of them categorised as dark magic. But the bulk of dark magic has always been considered dark – it tends to involve causing excessive pain or death in animals or humans. Sometimes death or torture is the purpose of the magic, and sometimes it’s merely a sacrifice or ingredient.” 

“Oh” Lily said, swallowing. “Then Dumbledore can’t possibly want us to start experimenting with dark magic to solve the puzzle.. right?” 

“It wouldn’t hurt to just look through some books on dark magic” Remus said with a frown, “Perhaps the cost for this particular spell isn’t too high?” 

“Where would we even get books on dark magic?” 

Remus hesitated. “I can ask Sirius about it” 

Lily had no idea why Sirius would know about books on dark magic, but before she could voice her confusion, they were interrupted.

“You guys ready for the Order meeting?” came a casual voice behind them. 

Lily turned to find James Potter strolling into the room, biting into an apple.

She checked her watch, and sure enough, the meeting was due to begin in ten minutes. 

“Should we wait for Sirius?” Remus asked,

“Nah” James replied, “he said he’d meet us there.” 

When the three arrived at the abbey together, Lily initiated a conversation with Remus about her potions project. Throughout the conversation, James remained silent, but watched Lily intently. Lily was so distracted by his staring, she didn’t catch the look that flashed across Remus’s face when she explained the topic of her research.

Lily, soon grew tired of James’s staring, and decided that she would have to be impertinent towards him, or else she’d soon become intimidated.

“Don’t you think Slughorn did well, to get me such a wonderful grant?” She asked him archly. 

Unfortunately for Lily, he did not look annoyed by her question, only amused. Before he could reply, Sirius Black barged into their conversation.

“You’re not stealing Remus tonight Evans – it’s my turn” He said bluntly, standing in front of Remus. 

Lily looked around in surprise – it was time to begin, but Moody hadn’t arrived, and so everyone around them were beginning to practise. She opened her mouth to argue with Black, but Potter cut her off. 

“I’m a better partner anyway – Remus is a rubbish dueller” 

“Oi!” Remus cried from behind Sirius’s back as Potter strode away from the group. Lily was left with no choice but to follow. 

Before she could cast her first spell, Potter stopped her.

“You’re holding your wand wrong” he said.

Lily raised her eyebrows at him.

“Duelling is different from normal spell casting” he explained, “We learnt it in Auror training – your grip needs to be harder to prevent losing your wand, and your movement should be sharper for stronger spells – so it’s more effective to hold your wand like this” He finished, holding up his own wand hand demonstratively. 

Lily frowned, and tried to mimic his grip. He shook his head, came closer, and gently readjusted her fingers. 

“I know it feels a bit odd at first” James continued, still close “But trust me – it makes a big difference once you’re used to it”

It felt bizarre and unnatural – like trying to write with her left hand. At first she couldn’t even perform basic spells. It seemed to Lily that Potter was enjoying her struggle – he wouldn’t stop watching her, and he had this odd, pleased, look on his face. Paranoid, she wondered if he was playing a trick on her - she surreptitiously glanced around the room, but when she saw that most of the experienced fighters were gripping their wands how Potter had shown her, she was forced to accept his advice.

When Lily was able to manage shielding charms, James began slowly throwing easy spells at her to block, occasionally stopping to readjust her grip for her. She soon grew bored – when James was distracted by something on the other side of the room, she cheekily volleyed an Inflatus Jinx at him. 

“Oi!” He laughed, dodging at the last second.

Lily, who had hoped to offend him, was surprised by his humour. But there was a mixture of sweetness and archness about her that made it difficult for her to offend anyone, and James had never been so bewitched by a woman in his life. He really thought, that if it wasn’t for her connection to Slughorn and his own preoccupation with the war, he’d rather like to date her. 

“You and Potter seemed to be getting along last night” Marlene teased Lily the next day, her eyebrows raised.

“It was awful” Lily complained, her cheeks burning a little. “The arrogant berk kept nagging me about my wand grip”

“Wand grip, huh” Marlene said, wiggling her eyebrows at Lily now. “I think he likes you” 

“Pfft” Lily dismissed, “More likely he likes harassing me” she muttered into her coffee.


	5. Misinterpretations

"Good morning Severus" Lily greeted warmly, as she entered her small potions Dungeon in Hogsmeade.

In reply, Snape scowled at her from behind a steaming potion and said nothing.

Lily, continued cheerfully to her desk to read through her mail. Snape had been working for her for two weeks now, and his attitude had not improved one bit since she first met him. Every attempt she made at conversation that did not relate to the potions project, was met with biting sarcasm or wry derision.

But Lily was far too busy to take it personally – the Order had started giving her regular projects now. She spent most of her evenings and nights tailing suspects or guarding potential targets, leaving her with precious little time and energy for her potions project.

She spent the morning carefully going over the results Severus had recorded, and reading some relevant texts. Around mid-day she pushed her work aside, made a pot of tea, and pulled out a sandwich and a copy of The Daily Prophet.

As was custom, she poured two cups of tea and Snape silently took a seat opposite Lily's at the table. Lily carefully placed a tea cup next to him, before retaking her own seat. Lily had long since given up on attempting to make conversation with her co-worker, and instead reached for her newspaper.

She let out a hiss of annoyance as she unfolded the paper.

James Potter's winking face stared up at her from the front page. The headline read "Dramatic Rescue: Child Saved from Werewolf Attack".

She irritably flipped past his big insufferable head, to find something worthwhile to read.

She was half-way through an article, when she realised that Snape was looking at her.

She glanced up at him.

"You know James Potter?" He asked her quietly.

"Unfortunately, yes"

"Do you.." he hesitated a moment, "you don't.. like him?"

"Of course I don't like him" Lily said briskly, "He's the most insufferably big headed arse I've ever met"

"Most people like him" Snape replied, almost suspiciously.

"No they don't. People like him when they know of him from afar, what with the quidditch and the – " She turned back to the front page of the paper, and gestured at Potter's hero article, "But anyone who has actually met him can't possibly consider him likeable."

To Lily's shock, Snape smiled at her. She was sure it was the first time she'd ever seen the man without a scowl.

"You know him as well then?" She said, eager to continue the rare conversation with her assistant.

"I had the misfortune of sharing classes with him at Hogwarts" He replied, his scowl firmly back in place. "He and his friends took enormous pleasure in making my life a living hell."

"I'm not surprised. I had a couple of run-ins with him at Hogwarts myself."

"He was thoroughly mediocre, and yet some basic quidditch ability made him think he was a cut above the rest of us."

"He's still an big-headed git, but now it's because he's an Auror"

Snape rolled his eyes, "He took the job that would get him the most glory and attention. He always was an arrogant show-off."

"I bet he isn't half as good as the papers make-out. He's probably just stealing all the credit from the other Aurors."

"Certainly" Snape sneered, "His only real talent is stealing attention from those who are superior to him."

Lily laughed aloud, "He probably calls up the newspapers after every mission, begging for a mention in the paper."

"And it works" Snape said bitterly. "The world can't wait to hear about what the wonderful Potter has done next."

Snape was silent for a long time. Then, at length, he said quietly, "It was him who lost me my ministry job."

"No!" Lily gasped.

"Yes," Snape replied, his entire body sagging, "I saw him at the Three Broomsticks.. I shouldn't have said anything, I should've known he'd find a way to ruin it. But I wanted him to know about my success… after everything he did to me…" He swallowed and looked away.

"And he ruined it. He ruined me. The next day I was told that I would not be receiving an offer of employment from the Ministry. I'd forgotten that Potter's father had connections in the Ministry – and it cost me my livelihood."

"What a pig!" Lily cried, "He deserves to be publicly disgraced."

"I'm sure the world will figure him out sooner or later – but no one is likely to care what I have to say on the matter."

"But how could he be so cruel? What on earth could his reason be?"

"He's hated me ever since first year – I could never figure out why. Maybe because I'm in Slytherin, or perhaps because he was irritated by my talent for potions – his father was quite a famous potioneer, but he was always average at the subject."

"I've never been a fan of Potter, but I never imagined that he could be so cruel. I knew he was unkind, I never suspected that he could sink to such ruthlessness as this."

After thinking for a moment, she continued, "I think you must be right – he must have issues about living up to his father's potion legacy. I met him at the three broomsticks not long ago with Slughorn - you should have seen how angry he got when Slughorn mentioned his father! And he was so irritated when Slughorn praised by potions ability, he stalked right off!"

"I'm relieved I'm not the only one who has noticed it" Severus replied, "I was beginning to think that I was mad."

Lily was again deep in thought, but after some time she sighed and accepted that she must return to work.

Not long after they resumed work, Snape awkwardly called her over to his work station. He explained that it would be more effective to crush the valerian root, rather than slice it, and he gave her a short demonstration. Lily was impressed, and Snape was gratified by her response. That afternoon he made better progress on the project than ever before.

Later that evening, Snape reflected on the day with more satisfaction than he had felt in a long time. Lily Evans, he decided, was not so worthless as he thought.

~~~

Lily knocked on Remus's door, praying that Potter and Black weren't home. She was scheduled to share a guard duty with Remus that night, but first she wanted to go over their research project. They had made very little progress lately – Remus had not been able to get any books on dark magic, and so they'd begun half-heartedly trying to invent a spell themselves that would embed a protean charm in human skin.

Luckily for Lily, Remus was home alone. Unluckily, all the material for their project was sitting in the bottom of a trunk, underneath Remus's entire collection of books.

"Sorry Lily, I forgot you were coming around, and I packed up all the books earlier today" He explained.

"Packed up? Are you going somewhere?" Lily asked, looking around the living room at the stacks of boxes.

"I'm moving out" Remus explained, "I got myself a little cottage across town."

"Moving? Why?"

"Oh you know how it is.. more space.." he trailed off, ducking his head to rearrange a box. Lily opened her mouth to question him further, when he blurted "How is your potions project going?"

"Good. Severus is making progress on the aconite extraction" Lily answered distractedly, eager to get back to the topic of Remus's unexpected move.

"Severus?" Remus asked, interrupting Lily's train of thought "Not Severus Snape."

"That's right." Lily said, her earlier conversation with Severus rushing to the front of her mind, "I hear he's an old acquaintance of yours" she added accusingly.

Remus's face dropped, and he sat down heavily on the couch.

"He told you then" he said quietly.

"Yes." Lily replied firmly.

"I should've told you myself" Remus whispered, "You had a right to know.. Lily, I'm so sorry."

"You knew!" Lily gasped, outraged, "Wait. No, that doesn't make sense. What are you talking about?" She asked, backtracking.

"What're you talking about?" Remus asked weakly.

"I'm talking about the fact your so-called 'friends' made that poor boy's life a misery at Hogwarts. You were a prefect Remus, you should've intervened." She admonished, "What were you talking about?" She asked him again, gathering her thoughts, "You don't know what Potter did to Snape's career, right?"

"What did James supposedly do?" He asked.

So Lily told him everything Snape had told her. Remus listened carefully, frowning.

"It's true that James and Sirius went a bit far while we were at Hogwarts" He replied reasonably, "and you're right" Remus hesitated, before admitting, "I was a coward. I knew they were out of line, but I said nothing.

"But Lily, Snape is not as innocent as you think he is. He never missed an opportunity to curse James, and there was a reason James and Sirius gave him such a hard time.

"I'm surprised no one has told you already – Snape was always obsessed with dark magic – he was well known for it. He hung around with a group of Slytherins who almost all became death eaters. I know you don't like James, but I promise you, he has always hated dark magic more than anything in the world. He was wrong to target Snape the way that he did, but it was.. well, at least it was originally prompted by noble intentions."

Lily was not convinced. She knew Severus was a bit of a grouch, but he was no death eater – he was a half-blood for goodness sake – he came from muggles, the same as her. He wasn't evil, he was just anti-social. She knew Remus was sincere, but she suspected his mind had been poisoned against Snape by Potter.

"And what do you know about Potter ruining Severus's career?" Lily asked, deciding to push forwards rather than bicker.

"I know nothing about it" Remus answered shortly, "But I trust James. If he did intervene to get Snape's job offer redrawn, he would have had a good reason for it."

Lily shot him an openly sceptical look.

"Look Lily, James is the single most devoted person I know when it comes to fighting dark magic. Ever since seventh year, he has dedicated his life to the fight – he doesn't date, he gave up quidditch.. He is a founding member of the Order – a confidant of Dumbledore and Moody. He was a bit of a brat when he was a teenager, but he has well and truly grown up. He doesn't have time for school-yard antics anymore – if he really did get Snape blacklisted from the ministry, it's because he knows something about Snape that we don't"

"Snape is not a death eater" Lily said firmly.

"How long have you known him?" Remus asked her.

Lily opened her mouth to reply, then closed it. She didn't want to admit that she'd known Snape for less than a month, although it didn't change her opinion.

"What were you talking about earlier?" She asked him instead, eager to change the topic, "When I first brought up Snape"

Remus went very still, and was quiet for a long moment.

"I thought you were referring to the fact that I'm a werewolf" he said slowly.

Lily gaped at him. She'd met werewolves before of course, as part of her research. She was even becoming a bit of an expert on the curse. Yet she hadn't suspected Remus for a second - she'd thought that all werewolves existed on the fringes of society. When she first began working on Damocle's wolfsbane potion, she had been shocked to discover the extent of the prejudice against werewolves. Some people were disgusted when she described the potion's aim, some others dropped contact with her entirely.

Her heart swelled for her friend. She silently placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. Remus looked up at her, and she met his eye steadily.

"I'm sorry," she said simply.

Remus said nothing. They remained silent for a moment, before Lily whispered quietly, "c'mon, we're going to be late for our shift."

~~~

James entered Dumbledore's office a few minutes after midnight. It had been a long time since he'd been called to the headmaster's office for disciplinary reasons, but he was never able to shake the feeling that he was in trouble when he entered it.

"Late" Moody grunted, from his seat opposite Dumbledore's desk.

"Welcome, Mr Potter" Dumbledore smiled, genially.

"Cheers Professor," James replied, taking a seat.

"We have a problem" Moody began abruptly. "I've been investigating Evans –"

James interrupted him with a groan. "I thought we'd already settled this Moody, hasn't she passed every test you've set her already?"

He was getting sick of Moody's paranoia. He'd already spent a whole night under polyjuice posing as a fake target for Evans to guard.

Moody silently threw down two pictures. The first contained Severus Snape slinking into a door next to Gladrags in Hogsmeade. The second contained Lily Evans, entering the same door.

"As I said," Moody began again, "I've been investigating Evans. Seems she's very cosy with our old friend Snape. They've been regularly meeting-"

"It's a potions project." James said firmly. "It's not a secret, she told us she's working on a Werewolf cure, and Slughorn told us he got her the grant."

"Did she tell you she was working with Snape?" Moody grunted.

James was silent, and Moody pressed on. "Did she tell you who funded the grant?"

James shrugged.

"Abraxas Malfoy. Did she also mention that she was given this generous grant not long after she was invited to join the Order?" Moody asked.

James shifted uncomfortably "Abraxas Malfoy isn't a death eater, as far as we know…" But his son was. According to their information, Lucius Malfoy was one of the most influential Death Eaters in Voldemort's ranks. James turned to Dumbledore uncertainly, "You trust Evans, right Sir?" He asked.

"I do not believe Miss Evans nor Horace Slughorn would aid Voldemort.. at least not willingly" he replied, his tone thoughtful.

"We'd be fools to ignore this. It can't be a coincidence," Moody said stubbornly.

James frowned down at the photographs.

"She's not dumb. If she is a spy, she easily passed every test you've set her. So then why would she make the amateur mistake of publicly working with a death eater now?" James wondered, thinking aloud. "It can't be true." He decided, "She has shocking taste in company – I already knew that. But I won't believe she's a death eater."

"Don't be a moron, Potter!" Moody barked, "You barely know the girl – is a pretty face really worth risking you and your friend's necks?"

"Why can't we just tell her that he's a death eater?" James whined.

"Absolutely not." Moody said firmly, "That information was hard won, and I don't want her tipping them off that we are on to him. I want her watched and quarantined - we'll keep her close, and keep giving her low level tasks. But I don't want any sensitive information reaching her until we figure out what's going on."

Dumbledore nodded, "I will discuss the matter with Horace. If something is afoot, I will find out."

"Potter, I want you to make sure that everyone working with Evans knows she isn't to be trusted. I don't want anything sensitive reaching her."

James nodded grudgingly, before Dumbledore moved the meeting on to the matter of the werewolf infiltration. 

~~~

Lily recounted the whole story, excluding the bit about Remus's condition, to Marlene a few days later as they prepared for the Order meeting together.

"Severus Snape is a creep Lil'" Marlene dismissed easily.

"He's just misunderstood" Lily protested, "He's prickly, but once you earn his respect he's wonderful – and he's so clever! These last few days have been fantastic – we're making much better progress now, and he -"

"So he wasn't helping you properly until you stroked his poor broken ego" Marlene interrupted.

"It's not like that! He was doing what I asked him to do before, but he.. well obviously he wouldn't want to work hard for someone he didn't like-"

"He's a creep." Marlene repeated firmly. "You gave him a chance when no one else would, and he repaid you by being difficult and nasty. You shouldn't need to prove yourself to get some basic respect, Lil'. I don't know why you are so easy on him."

"Don't you see?" Lily asked, "He's the victim in this situation. I knew of his family growing up – they say his father had a wicked temper. Then he got to Hogwarts and Potter and his mates made his life hell, Slughorn didn't want a bar of him.. It's not his fault he's mean, he's just had a hard time."

"Maybe bad things happen to him for a reason," Marlene replied dryly, "Maybe it's justice, maybe he deserved it. Did you hear about what that lot tried to do to Mary Macdonald when we were at Hogwarts?"

"That wasn't Severus" Lily said firmly. "Potter and Black bullied him – Remus admitted it wasn't fair."

"Potter grew up – and speaking of Potter, I really think he likes you Lily – don't be stupid and let your pity for a creep make you dismiss a man ten times better than him."

Lily rolled her eyes, "Potter doesn't like me. And I don't like him – he's so arrogant!"

"I'm sure you'll like him just fine once you know him properly."

"Don't wish that on me! It would be awful to like a man once I'd decided to hate him."

Later at the Order meeting, after Moody had given his instructions and Marlene had left to join her boyfriend, Lily spotted Remus with his two friends, away from the crowd in a corner. As Lily got nearer, she realised that Remus and Potter were having a heated disagreement.

Their voices were pitched low, but Potter was loudly enunciating his displeasure with angry hand gestures. Remus looked defensive – his arms were crossed and his expression was uncharacteristically cold.

As Lily approached, she caught a few words of their conversation.

"…werewolf…. secret… Dangerous…" Potter hissed.

Remus's reply was mostly too quiet to hear, but his volume rose as he spoke, and Lily heard him angrily conclude with "..my friend."

"Time to shut up" Sirius said loudly, as he spotted her.

"Shall we partner today Remus?" Lily asked, a little awkwardly.

"No." Potter interrupted firmly, shooting Remus an accusatory look. "You're partnering with me today."

Remus's expression soured. Lily wanted to protest, but Potter was already ushering her away, and Remus had turned to Sirius.

Potter was still fuming when they began practice duelling together. He didn't say a single word, and Lily almost felt as though he were angry with her. She kept glancing over at Remus, who remained in the corner with Sirius. The two were not duelling, and instead stood closely together, deep in conversation. Lily wasn't sure if it was her imagination, but every time she glanced their way, it seemed as though they stood closer together. Then Potter caught on that she wasn't paying attention, and increased the speed of the spells he aimed at her. The next time Lily had a chance to glance away, Remus and Sirius had left their corner. She looked around the room, and caught a glimpse of the two leaving through the church door. Was it her imagination, or were they holding hands?

Before she had a moment to ponder it, James threw a disarming spell at her.

"Pay attention" he said shortly, tossing her back her wand.

Annoyed, Lily immediately sent a stunning jinx back at him, he lazily dodged it and they resumed duelling in silence.

Lily was annoyed to note that he was obviously going easy on her – he wasn't even pretending to try.

"There are a lot of people here tonight" She said airily, pretending that she wasn't being pushed to her limit by the duel.

In reply, James sent a paralysis jinx at her legs, forcing Lily to jump aside.

Nothing was said for several minutes, until Lily, hoping to annoy her partner, remarked, "It's your turn to say something now Potter – I commented on the number of people here – you ought to say something about the quality of the attendees, or the spells we're practicing."

"Just imagine I said whichever you wanted said" James quipped, aiming another hex at her head.

Lily ducked, hoping she didn't look as tired as she felt, she replied smoothly, "That will do as a reply for now, I suppose. As an aside, I think I'll also remark on the unseasonably pleasant weather we're having tonight." She aimed a jinx at his right, which he easily blocked, "There. Now we may continue in silence."

"Do you always talk by rule, then?" He asked her

"It would be rude to go the whole night without saying anything. I was kind enough to arrange the conversation so that you didn't need to say much." She replied archly.

"Was that for your sake, or for mine?"

"Both. I think we are both in a bad temper tonight, the less conversation the better."

"I'm not sure that's true – not in your case at least." He replied, mercifully signalling to break for a moment.

To Lily's annoyance, James followed her when she went to find her water bottle.

"How's your potions project coming along?" He asked.

"Wonderfully, thank you." Lily answered, and unable to resist the temptation, she continued, "I have the most incredible assistant – perhaps you remember him from Hogwarts? His name is Severus Snape."

James snorted, "Unfortunately, I do remember Snivellus. I asked Sirius to obliviate him from my memory once, but the selfish arse refused. He reckoned that if he had to remember him, then so did I."

"What'd Severus do to you?"

"…It's more the fact he exists, if you know what I mean…"

'Poor, dear, Remus,' Lily thought to herself, 'You must really be blinded by affection if you think this git is too mature for petty school yard bullying.'


	6. Conjecture

“Prick!” Lily gasped, fighting to keep the edges of her mouth from rising in a smile.

Potter was doubled over with laughter. Lily tried to send a hex at him, but as always, the fast bastard dodged it.

Remus and Black had stopped coming to the Order training sessions, so she’d been stuck with Potter for the last few weeks. She was actually getting rather good – Potter had stopped slowly lobbing easy spells at her and was instead volleying an increasingly creative collection of spells in her direction.

She managed to block or dodge most of them – but she missed enough to have collected a ridiculous array of physical deformations.

While Potter was distracted by laughter, Lily took the opportunity to remove some of the more embarrassing charms – she returned her left ear back to its normal size, and then returned her nose – which Potter had transfigured into a strawberry, back to its correct shape.

She decided to leave the tips of her hair green though– she rather liked it.

“Ready?” Potter asked, wiping the tears from his eyes.

Lily smiles at him sweetly.

“Bring it on Potter.”

~~~

“I’ve spoken to Horace regarding Miss Evans,” Dumbledore said calmly.

“And?” Moody grunted.

“It seems that she had nothing to do with the grant – it was all Horace. I’m not even certain she knows the identity of her donor,”

“That’s just sloppy,” Moody muttered.

“What about Snape?” James asked.

Dumbledore shrugged, “Horace seems to think she likes him.”

James was silent for a very long moment while he pondered this information.

“Impossible,” He decided, shaking his head. “No one likes Snape. It’s just.. not possible.”

“It’s fishy,” Moody grumbled.

Dumbledore sighed. “I believe Miss Evans needed someone skilled at potions to help her with her project, so that she could put more time into the Order.”

James liked this explanation, but Moody did not.

“If she cared so much about fighting Voldemort, why associate herself with someone like that?” He said with a frown.

James rolled his eyes, “Because she doesn’t know he’s a Death Eater! You won’t let us tell her!”

Moody snorted, “Maybe not, but it’s not hard to find out that he’s a Voldemort sympathiser. He hasn’t exactly been secretive about his opinions.”

“Miss Evans is an extremely empathetic young woman,” Dumbledore said thoughtfully, “And Snape, whatever his faults, is in a rather bad situation. I imagine she is trying to help him.”

“I still don’t trust her. James, I want you to follow her for a while.” Moody said firmly.

James shifted in his chair.

“What?” Moody barked.

“I don’t want to follow her” James mumbled.

“Why not?”

“.. I don’t have time”

“Bullshit. Your undercover mission just got cancelled – you have nothing scheduled for weeks.”

“Fine, I do have time. But it’s just..” James grabbed at the back of his neck, searching for the word, “.. creepy.” He finished lamely. “I don’t want to”

“You didn’t have a problem with tailing Mundungus.”

“Dumbledore trusts her,” James said quickly, changing the topic. Turning to Dumbledore, he pleaded, “Tell Moody that I don’t have to follow Evans.”

The Headmaster chuckled indulgently but did not intervene.

“It could be someone else with a Polyjuice potion, or she could be under Imperius. Her actions don’t make sense, if you won’t tail her then I’m kicking her out of the Order.” Moody griped.

“That’s just stupid. We don’t have enough people to go dumping members for such –“

“Do you have _any_ idea how much damage just one spy in the Order could do?” Moody snapped, losing patience. “One silly girl isn’t worth it. She can’t even duel – “

“She’s an above average dueller.” James protested, “And she’s getting better every week. She’s great at potions,” He ticked off a second finger to prove his point, “She brill at magic theory –“.

“I don’t _care_ what she can do, she’s worthless if we can’t trust her-”

“FINE. I’ll tail her,” James relented, raking his fingers through his hair.

“Excellent,” Dumbledore said cheerly, “I think one week should do it, don’t you agree Alastor?”

Moody gave a sour nod.

“Fabulous, now moving on…”

~~~

Lily stared at the two sets of Scales on the shelf, mentally calculating. The large brass scales on the right were more versatile, but the smaller silver scales on the left were more accurate, and she was almost positive that they’d be big enough for her purposes. _Almost_ positive. 

This was the third time today she’d visited the store. She had been staring at the scales for an age, hoping that at any minute the correct decision would jump out at her. She wanted the silver ones, but she could only afford one set – and what if she needed to weigh something large one day?

“You’re sure these are the only ones you have?” She asked the shop assistant. For the third time that day, the shop assistant assured her that these were the only models available in her price range.

Nearby, James desperately fought back the urge to groan. As expected, this assignment was a monumental waste of time. He’d been tailing Evans for three days, and the only new information he’d gotten was that Lily had taken on a rather silly young girl as an apprentice.

Somewhere out on the street, a bell tolled. Lily jumped, and then, alert with a sudden purpose, she hurried out of the store.

_‘Once again, without having chosen one of the bloody scales’_ , James noted wryly as he followed her.

Lily wound her way through the crowded streets of Hogsmead and entered the Three Broomsticks.

_‘Not bloody Slughorn again’_ , James thought.

With an uncomfortable jolt, James found not the large frame of his former professor waiting for Lily at the bar, but the familiar features of his friend Remus.

James hesitated – struck by indecision. On one hand, he didn’t want to eavesdrop on his friend. He trusted Remus – and this felt like a betrayal. But on the other hand, Moody would never accept that as an excuse and the last thing he needed was for this god-awful assignment to be extended.  Making up his mind, James approached the two friends. Moony would understand…

“You look terrible Remus” Lily was saying, her voice full of concern. “What’s going on? The full moon was ages ago.”

James examined his friend – she was right. He looked like shit. His face was pale, and his expression was stricken.

“I’m fine Lily” he said, with a brave attempt at a smile. “Really” he added in response to Lily’s openly sceptical look.

James watched Lily struggle with herself. He could tell that she wanted to argue, but something was holding her back. “Fine” she eventually said with a huff, before changing the topic to their research on the Protean Charm.

James listened for a bit, but he found it hard to follow the technical details they were going into, and so he soon found his mind wandering and his eyes raking Lily Evans. He noted the small the crease between her eyebrows when Remus spoke, and softly smiled to himself when she made wide gestures with her hands to convey some complex idea about charms theory.

A warm feeling was rising in his chest – but the moment he became aware of it, he tore his eyes away from her with a silent curse.

This was why James had tried to get out of this job. Moody was right – James usually didn’t have any qualms about secretly eavesdropping on anyone outside of his immediate friends and family. In truth, he’d been regularly doing it ever since he got the cloak as an eleven-year-old.

What made him so uncomfortable about following Lily Evans around was that _he liked it._ He liked watching her – even when she was being daft and couldn’t decide on which scales to pick, even when she spent hours painstakingly slicing aconite, even when she worked with Snivellus, even when that silly school girl apprentice wouldn’t shut up, and even when she met up with swotty Slughorn. 

He felt as though he could watch her forever, and it made him feel like a bloody pervert. He tried not to enjoy himself so much – he tried to convince himself that it was a tedious job and she was a daft bint. But he just couldn’t help himself.

James scanned the rest of the room, trying to distract himself from his own stupid rebellious emotions. He succeeded -  across the bar, he found something that immediately seized all his attention.

Tucked into the far corner of the bar, as far away as possible from the other patrons, was a small group of men and women with tangled hair and worn clothes that James recognised immediately.

Heart hammering in his chest, James darted a look at Remus to see if he’d noticed. The idiot was laughing along at something Lily was saying without a care in the world.

~~~

Lily had almost finished relaying her latest experiment with the Protean Charm to Remus, when the two of them jumped as a sudden yell came from across the bar.

“OY,” boomed the familiar voice.

Lily and Remus both looked up to meet the gaze of a widely grinning Sirius Black standing in the open door to the pub. He opened his mouth to say something else, but the sound was drowned out by a sudden crash of broken glass behind the bar.

Lily flinched at the sound – scrunching her eyes shut for just a moment and ducking her head a little. When she reopened her eyes, James Potter was lurching towards Sirius Black, his expression furious. Within half a second, he’d pushed Black back outside the pub and the two were gone.

Stunned, she turned to Remus to see if he had any idea what had just happened. He looked positively distraught.

‘I have to go Lily, I’m sorry,’ He mumbled quietly, his face down cast. Before Lily could say a word to the contrary, he had rushed from the bar. Leaving Lily alone, desperately trying to figure out what had just happened.

~~~

Heart beating loudly in his chest, Snape carefully pressed open the intricate wooden door. He was the last to arrive –the others were all already seated in high backed, velvet chairs circling a large, heavy oak table. One position remained - wedged like an afterthought into the far corner was a simple pine stool.

Snape kept his head down and his shoulders slumped as he quietly took the seat. The stool was short, and the table rose foolishly to his chest. No one paused their quiet chatter to acknowledge his arrival. He sat silently, eyes tracing the rings in the wood of the table in front of him.

He’d been following the Dark Lord since his fifth year at Hogwarts, and he had fought desperately for an official position amongst his ranks. Snape was not exactly proud of the things he’d done to get here, but he had thought it would be worth it to win the honour of being named a Death Eater.

Back then, his future had seemed bright. He was one of the youngest to be granted the illustrious title, and even the most strident blood purists amongst their ranks had recognised his worth.

James Potter had stolen more than just his livelihood when he’d gotten Snape dumped from the Ministry. The Dark Lord had been counting on Snape gaining access to the carefully guarded secrets and restricted ingredients of the Potions Department. But the main issue was more fundamental than that – the Death Eaters were supposed to be the most exclusive club in the country, for only the most elite and worthy wizards and witches. It was clear that the Death Eaters no longer considered the unemployed half-blood good enough to be one of their number. Ever since he lost his job, he had received no tasks from the Dark Lord, and his colleagues had ceased to acknowledge his existence.

Yet his Dark Mark still burned when a meeting was held, and he dared not ignore it. The Dark Lord did not allow his followers to resign. All Snape could do was hope that one day his colleagues would simply forget he exists, allowing him to vanish from their ranks in peace.

The soft sound of a throat being cleared echoed down the table, and the quiet chatter around the table immediately ceased.

“I believe congratulations are in order,” came a smooth voice from the opposite end of the table. “I hear our good friend Snape has finally found employment.”

~~~

At a loss for what to do once Remus had fled, Lily returned to her Potion Dungeon. The room was empty – she had decided to leave the current experimental potion to simmer for the morning, and so she’d told Snape and her temporary apprentice Lydia not to come in.

This gave Lily time to contemplate what the hell she had just witnessed.

In truth, she’d been concerned for Remus for weeks – he was blatantly miserable, and he refused to tell her why.  She’d been trying to mind her own business and give him space – she’d told herself that maybe he was so secretive because it was an Order issue.

But she just couldn’t get his reaction out of her mind today. She replayed the events over in her mind, before letting her thoughts drift over conversations from weeks ago.

Absentmindedly, she pulled out the small pile of recent newspapers and flicked through them.

‘The Identity of Britain’s Worst Werewolf Revealed’ read one headline. Lily scanned the article, and sure enough, the first few lines contained a description of how James Potter had uncovered the werewolf Fenrir Greyback.

She wondered why Remus had moved out of the home he shared with Potter and Black. That had been the beginning of this mysterious, dark mood of Remus’s. She never did manage to pry an explanation from Remus.. every time she asked he changed the topic.

Why had Potter dragged Black away today? The last time she’d seen them together was at the Order meeting weeks ago – when Potter and Remus were arguing, and Black and Remus had snuck off to snog.

An idea was forming in Lily’s mind.. everything fit. But somehow it didn’t feel right.

Maybe Potter had learnt that Remus was a werewolf around the same time Lily had? Afterall, Lily knew that most werewolves kept their condition as secret as possible. Maybe that’s why Remus had had to move out? It could explain why Remus chose that moment to confess his condition to her… he had seemed so sure that she would be mad when he told her…

He and Potter were arguing about werewolves the next time she’d seen them.

Sirius didn’t seem to have a problem with Remus.. he’d been pleased to see him, but then Potter had dragged him away..

Lily frowned. Could James Potter have rejected his friend for being a werewolf? He couldn’t really be _that_ awful, she thought, remembering the way he patiently taught her a new hex only two nights beforehand.

But then, with a sinking heart, she remembered Snape’s story, and realised that _of course_ he was that awful. How had she forgotten? He’d already done worse than this to poor Severus.

Still.. cruelty towards an enemy and a cruelty towards a childhood friend were two different things. They’d seemed so close…

Remus said that he trusted James. But then, Remus had also said that no one was as dedicated as James Potter when it came to fighting dark magic… is lycanthropy dark magic?

Lily’s eyes wandered the newspaper in front of her once again. Potter _had_ built a career off of hunting werewolves…

Still, she couldn’t convince herself that James Potter was the source of Remus’s misery. It just somehow didn’t feel right.

She replayed the events in the pub in her mind. Where on earth had Potter come from? It had looked as though he was lurching towards Sirius from _inside_ the pub.. but Lily was certain he hadn’t been there moments earlier..

The crash of a door opening, and hurried footsteps down the stairwell dragged Lily out of her thoughts. All at once, Lydia Minchum was in the room.

“Lily, you’re a muggleborn right? Have you heard of the Rolling Rocks? My friend Ellanor just played me their record, and it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard. I had no idea muggles could be attractive like that – did you know that muggle men were so good looking, Lily? I always thought that they were rather stupid, what with those silly clothes they get about in. Can you believe it? All this time and I’ve been missing out! I’m not sure that I’ll ever forgive you for keeping such a secret!” She laughed loudly, throwing back her head.

“Rolling Rocks?” Lily asked, bemused.

But Lydia hadn’t heard her, she had thrown her large hand bag onto the potions bench and was rifling through it with gusto.

“Look at this Lily! Aren’t they fantastic? I think I’m in love. None of the wizard’s I’ve met in my entire life could possibly compare. Do you know them? Do you think you could introduce me?”

Lily briefly caught a glimpse of the worn magazine before Lydia pulled it back to admire it herself.

“No Lydia” Lily laughed. “I’m afraid I don’t personally know the Rolling Stones.”

“Damn. What about you Severus? you’re a half blood right? Have you ever met them?”

Lily swung around. Sure enough, Severus Snape stood in the door way – an expression of loathing twisting his features. Without acknowledging either of the women, he swept towards the bench to examine their potion.

Lydia didn’t seem to notice and returned to her magazine to breathily proclaim the virtues of tight leather pants.

Lily joined Snape at the potions bench. She made eye contact with her friend and gave him a grin and a secret eye roll. Snape’s posture remained stiff, but his expression softened a little at Lily’s good-natured camaraderie.

Slughorn had convinced her to take on Lydia as an apprentice. Lily had been hesitant – Lydia was very young – not even fifteen. But Slughorn had insisted, and Lily owed him too much to refuse.

She later discovered the reason for Slughorn’s enthusiasm – it seems that Lydia is the niece of the Minister of Magic. Lydia herself had not shown the slightest interest in the potion project. However, her parents were very grateful to both Lily and Slughorn for keeping their energetic daughter occupied over the summer holidays.

She was exhausting, but Lily was quite fond of the young girl. She was silly, yes. Today’s excitement was not unique. Lydia had declared her love for no less than 5 celebrities in the short time Lily had known her. But Lily couldn’t help but admire how forthright and head strong the girl was.. even if she didn’t always show the best judgement.

The first celebrity Lydia fell for was James Potter. The crush had been quickly replaced by the beater from the English Quiddich team, but Snape had still not forgiven her – he’d been in a filthy mood ever since.

It was a pity – before Lydia had come, Lily and her assistant had been getting along rather well. Unlikely as it may seem, she and Snape shared quite a lot of interests. But Snape remained sulky and silent whenever Lydia was around, and so Lily had not had a chance to catch up with him lately.

Lily let Lydia’s chatter wash over her, as she began to spoon the potion into small vials for testing. She was looking forward to September first, when Lydia would return to school and her relationship with Snape could return to normal.

 

 

 


	7. The Confession

Lily knocked on the wooden cracked door.

When no answer came, disappointment and anxiety swirled in her stomach. She had been struggling to get into contact with Remus for weeks. With every passing day, she was becoming more and more alarmed by her friend’s absence.

She knocked again, louder this time, until the door shook on its frame.

Stopping suddenly, she pressed her ear to the door. Was that a sound inside? Or was it only her overactive imagination?

The soft sound of footfall reached her ears and her body sagged with relief.

The door opened.

“Lily?” Remus asked her, at the same time as a dismayed Lily asked:

“What on earth has happened to you?”

Ever since Lily first met Remus he’d been a bit tattered. Not just his clothes, but his expression and health as well – he’d always looked over-tired, older than his years, and just a little too thin.

But now – he looked awful. He was thinner than Lily had ever seen him before, his hair was greyer, and he looked ill although the full moon was weeks away.

“I’ve been, erm. Doing some Order work,” Remus said, offering a weak smile.

“I was worried you dunce,” Lily sighed, stepping forward to give her friend a firm hug.

 

* * *

 

“Sorry about the mess, I haven’t really had much of a chance to properly move in yet..” Remus told her shortly afterwards as the two friends shared a pot of tea in Remus’s small kitchen.

There was a stark contrast between this empty, drafty run-down house, and the expensive furnishings and warm décor of Remus’s last home. The right-hand wall was stacked with unopened boxes, and the only furniture was a rustic table with two wobbly chairs.

Lily tried to get Remus to tell her why he looked so sickly and miserable, but as usual, he would say nothing. She soon gave up the fight, and instead attempted to cheer him up with anecdotes about Lydia.

“I’m sorry you were worried Lily,” Remus said after some time with a sigh. “I didn’t mean to be away so long – I should have told you beforehand.”

Lily waved his apologies away, “It’s hardly your fault I have such an overreactive imagination.”

They chatted a little longer, before Lily thought it prudent to excuse herself. Remus was clearly exhausted – Lily strongly suspected she had interrupted his nap.

Remus walked her to the door, his mood suddenly quiet and contemplative.

“Lily, could I please ask a favour?” He said hesitantly.

“Of course!” Lily cried. “Anything.”

“This will sound odd, but do you think you could visit Sirius for me?”

“Oh,” Lily said confused. “What do you want me to tell him?”

“I don’t want you to pass on a message.” Remus clarified. “It’s just.. today is going to be rough for him – I can’t go near the house myself, but I would appreciate it if you could check in on him – maybe keep him company for a little while.”

“Are you sure he would want me hanging around? We aren’t exactly close..”

“Sirius is the kind of person that would always prefer company to being alone,” Remus assured her. “And you are remarkably good company Lily – but then I won’t ask you to go if it makes you uncomfortable, it’s only-“

“It’s fine!” Lily interrupted, eager to ease her friend’s mind. “I’ll go, it’s no problem at all.”

Remus’s shoulders sagged with relief. “Thank you Lily. Truly – I owe you one.”

 

* * *

 

For the second time that day, Lily found herself standing outside a closed door. She took a deep breath and knocked. As the sound of steps drew nearer, she rehearsed what she would say should Potter open the door.

It wasn’t Potter, but Black who greeted her moments later. Lily almost didn’t recognise him, she’d never seen his expression so dark.

“What is it?” he said, uncharacteristically gruff.

“Erm.. Remus sent me. He wanted me to check in on you.”

Sirius stared at her blankly for a moment, before turning and walking back into the house. Lily stood still, confused.

“Come in then!” Sirius yelled over his shoulder.

Lily entered the house and joined Sirius in the living room.

“Funny,” Sirius commented wryly, settling into an armchair and putting his feet on the coffee table, “I don’t remember you being so shy to enter this house before.”

It was then Lily realised that Sirius was clutching a bottle of firewhiskey.

“ _Honestly_ Sirius? It’s barely midday.” Lily sighed.

She reached to remove the liquor, but Sirius stopped her with a cry:

“Oi! No! I’m celebrating”

“Celebrating?” Lily replied incredulously.

“Yes. Didn’t you know? It’s my brother’s birthday. Little Reggie is twenty years old. At least he would be, if he hadn’t died three years ago”

Oh.

“Of course, if he were alive, it’s not as though we would be talking anyway.” Sirius continued, conversationally, “We never got on. But then, I’ve always liked a fight, so maybe having a brother I didn’t get along with suited me just fine.”

He took a long swig from his bottle.

“It was better than having no brother at all, anyway.”

Lily turned on her heel and walked away from Sirius into the kitchen. A few moments later she returned with two glasses, a bottle of gillywater, and a plate of cut sandwiches.

Sirius eagerly took a sandwich.

“You used James’s good cheese,” He said, sounding delighted.

“Am I going to get in trouble?” asked Lily, raising a brow.

Sirius cackled. “No, he’ll be too guilty to say anything. Excellent idea, I should’ve thought of it myself.”

Lily put the glasses on the coffee table and reached for Sirius’s bottle again. She poured a shot of the firewiskey into each cup, before filling the remainder of the glasses with gillywater.

“ _Honestly_ Evans? It’s barely midday” Sirius mocked.

Lily said nothing and lifted her glass up. Sirius wasted no time in reaching for his own glass to clink against hers.

“Cheers” they said in unison.

Sirius was remarkably good company for someone drunk and upset. The fact that he was grieving was obvious, but rather than dampening his personality, his grief seemed to maker him louder, harsher, and more abrupt. The sharp edges of his personality that were usually cushioned by his cheerful demeanour were now prominent.

Lily was surprised by how well she got along with him. She found him funny and honest – if a little savage. He told her morbid stories of his upbringing to pass the time, but no matter how dark his tales were, there was always a punch line at the end. In return, Lily told him about her sister and her husband. He was, to Lily’s amusement, extremely interested in hearing about her muggle upbringing, and asked her all kinds of questions about the muggle world.

The visit was going remarkable well – Sirius had certainly cheered up since Lily arrived, and Lily was having an unexpectedly good time. But as Lily drank more, her inhibitions dropped until she decided that she would finally get to the bottom of the Remus situation.

“Why isn’t Remus allowed near this house?” She asked abruptly.

Lily watched the expressions flit across Sirius’s face – first surprise, then anger, and finally with sullen grief, he looked away.

“I can’t say,” he answered bitterly.

Under normal circumstances, Lily would have let the issue drop. But she was full of fresh curiosity and concern from visiting Remus earlier, and the firewhisky had dampened any reservations she may have had. So she pushed ahead:

“He is miserable you know – he looks ill all the time regardless of the moon, and he has become so grim – it takes everything I have to pry smiles out of him these days. He’s stopped joking and he’s stopped laughing.. have you seen his new house? It’s awful. He hasn’t even unpacked. If you could just go and see him – “

Sirius’s entire body had shrunk down during this speech. “I can’t,” He mumbled, his hand covering his face.

“But _why_?”

“It’s too dangerous,” he practically whimpered. “James says so- “  

“ _What!_ ” Lily cried, “Too _dangerous_? Sirius, are you honestly telling me- “

Sirius stood abruptly and left the room.

 

* * *

 

After their confrontation, Lily had very nearly left. But in the end her pity narrowly surpassed her rage. She went to the kitchen and drank a large glass of water before putting together another plate of sandwiches – making a point to finish all of Potter’s fancy cheese in the process.

She found Sirius in the garden, laying on the grass glaring up at the sky. She sat beside him and placed the plate of sandwiches by his head.

“fancy a forbidden cheese sandwich?” She asked, forcing her voice to be light and playful.

“I would bloody love a forbidden cheese sandwich” replied Sirius, tearing his gaze away from the sky, and sitting up.

 

* * *

 

James looked up at the clock anxiously, raking his fingers through his hair.

“I told you hours ago,” he hissed through gritted teeth, “I need to go. Todays-“

“We need you here for a little bit longer.” Moody said gruffly, not looking up from the paperwork on his desk. “I’m sorry about your friend – I am. But no one could have predicted that Frank would get cursed like that – we need to find the counter curse now, or else who knows what will happen to him.”

James knew he was right, but he didn’t like it. Swallowing his guilt, he returned to work.

 

* * *

 

 “Regulus was in my year at Hogwarts,” Lily informed Sirius some time later. “His friends used to always harass me for being a muggleborn. But Regulus didn’t. I mean – he didn’t stick up for me either. He’d just like, roll his eyes and act like he was bored out of his mind every time they’d get going.”

“He didn’t like conflict.” Said Sirius, uncharacteristically quiet. “Which is ridiculous – considering what the rest of us Blacks are like. He’d try to hide it, and sometimes he’d try to fake it. But the truth is, he was always a bit soft.”

They were silent for a long moment.

“Did you know that he tried to get away?” Sirius slurred.

“Tried to get away from what?”

“He was a Death Eater.”

Lily flinched.

“He was a Death Eater,” Sirius continued, “But he tried to desert. I tried to warn him he wouldn’t like it. He didn’t even like it when the house elves got smacked, as if he was ever going to stomach killing people.”

Sirius reached for his drink again and finished it in one gulp before immediately refilling.

Lily mulled over this information for a long time. She had drunk quite a bit of firewhiskey by now herself, and so her mind was slower than usual.

“He was too young,” she decided eventually. “It’s not fair, he didn’t get a chance to find himself. He was too young to choose a side, and he was too young to die.”

“We chose a side younger than that,” Sirius mumbled.

“Did we really choose? Or was the choice made for us when you were sorted into Gryffindor, and I was born a witch with muggle parents?”

Sirius was silent for a long time. At last he replied:

“James chose. He wasn’t just following the other Gryffindors. I chose James, and James chose Dumbledore.”

 

* * *

 

James arrived at his doorstep with trepidation. When he entered the house and found it quiet and neat, his anxiety only increased. Sirius outside of the house was infinitely more concerning than Sirius at home. He was about to rush to grab his broom when he froze by the dining room. His great-aunt’s antique tea set was missing from the cabinet. The gaudy floral tea-set had come with the house, and his mother had refused to hear any mention of tossing it.

James was torn from his puzzling thoughts by a muffled bark of laughter. Turning, he followed the noise to the back garden, where he found a most extraordinary scene.

One of his aunt’s bright crochet blankets was spread across the grass. Atop the blanket was the missing tea set, in use for the first time in James’s memory, along-side a plate of pancakes, and what appeared to be his secret stash of Honeydukes chocolate.

Also atop the blanket sat Sirius and Lily Evans. James couldn’t hear what they were discussing but it was, by all appearances, hilarious.  

He watched them for a moment, before cautiously approaching.

Sirius was the first to spot him.

“Prongs!” he cried cheerfully.

Lily’s head spun around. When their eyes first met, she seemed surprised, maybe even guilty? Worried? But within a moment, the look was gone, and in its place was a confident defiance. Without breaking eye contact, she reached for one of the expensive chocolates James had been saving since his birthday, and lazily slid it into her mouth.

It was the sexiest thing he had ever seen.

After taking her time to enjoy the chocolate, she stood, with dignity, on only slightly unsteady legs.

“That’s my cue to leave,” she said sweetly.

“Boo Evans! We’ve barely even started!” Sirius protested.

“I’m a busy witch Black,” Lily replied archly. “I’ve things to do. Places to see. Potions to brew.”

Sirius scoffed. “Don’t you dare go near a cauldron after all that firewhiskey. You’ll blow up  your house.”

Lily didn’t deign to answer this, and instead bid him farewell, and made her way past James and into the house. James watched her go, still unable to form words.

 

* * *

 

Lily had expected a perfectly dull day when she arrived at her dungeon the next morning. While her antics with Remus and Sirius the previous day had been entertaining, it had also put her behind on the readings for her potions project.

As it was a Sunday, she expected to have the dungeon to herself for the day, allowing her to catch up. But try as she might, the papers just weren’t holding her attention. Her mind kept drifting to Remus, isolated in his run-down shack. Remus, who never had an unkind word for anyone, so miserable he was losing weight. Yesterday, once she had been free of Black and taken a sobering potion, in the silence of her own home she had been able to appreciate the full weight of Sirius’s words.

Her first guess had been correct. It was Potter – it was all Potter. He had banned Remus from the house, and he was stopping Sirius from visiting him. She had silently raged all night at Potter for his interference, and Sirius for his cooperation. But this morning, the storm had passed, and all she felt was sad. Her friend did not deserve this.

Her solitude was very soon and very unexpectedly interrupted by a knock on the door. Lily yelled for the intruder to come in and was astonished to find none other than James Potter himself in her Dungeon.

“All right Evans?” He greeted hurriedly.

“Potter” Lily replied, surprised, “How can I help you?” she continued, recovering from her shock with cool civility.

“Oh you know.. just checking in,” He said, his urgent demeanour betraying his attempt at casualness.

Lily said nothing.

“Are you doing well?” James asked, stalking across the room to lean against a bench in front of Lily.

“I’m fine thank you” Lily answered tightly.

“Oh good,” replied James.

There was another long pause. James raked a hand through his hair anxiously.  Lily watched him silently. 

James abruptly stood again, “So this is where you do your research?” he asked, as he wandered about the room, examining the instruments.

“Yes.”

“hmm.”

For several minutes, James walked about the room. Lily sat still, quiet and surprised.

At last, James approached her.

“I’ve tried to resist – I really have. But it won’t do. This feeling isn’t going away. I like you – I like you and I admire you so much.”

Lily was so astonished she almost fell off her chair. She gaped at him, unable to believe what she was hearing. James took her silence as encouragement and continued.

“I liked you in Hogwarts, you know? I was going to ask you out then.. but there was so much going on, I just..” he trailed off.

Lily felt a stab of guilt. She was going to reject him - her dislike for him was as strong as ever, but even so, she didn’t like to cause pain, and she couldn’t help but be flattered by his feelings.

James swiped a hand through his hair before continuing. “I didn’t want to like you, you know. I mean, I’ve always hated the Slugclub, and there was.. well.. you really do just have terrible taste in friends. Truly horrendous. Moody will have my balls when he finds out – you have no idea. But it’s hardly my fault, I did _try_ to stay away – but it’s no use. I just can’t help it – you’re so.. warm, and witty. You care so much, and you work so hard – but all the while you are still always up for a laugh, you’re always fun. Will you come to the Three Broomsticks with me? Maybe for dinner? Or even lunch, I suppose would be fine.”

Lily’s initial sympathy had steadily waned through this speech. She was offended by his derisive tone towards her friends, while his steadily increasing arrogance and presumptions hardened her heart. When he finished, she replied:

“I wish I could say thank you – but I can hardly say I’m grateful. I’ve never asked for your affection, and you clearly wish you didn’t feel it. I am sorry.. but then, I’m sure you’ll move on soon enough. There are plenty of girls out there with appropriate friends who aren’t associated with Slughorn for you to date, after all.”

James just stared, shocked, for a moment. Lily stared right back, lifting her chin.

“That’s a bit harsh,” He said at last, trying and failing to look unconcerned, “I mean.. you could’ve at least made an effort to be nice about it.”

“Well you could have made an effort to not insult my friends” Lily answered quickly. “But then, that’s not the only reason I have to be rude, and you know it. Why on earth would I agree to date you after the way you’ve treated Remus?”

James gave her an odd look but was silent while Lily continued.

“He is miserable – are you happy? Is this what you wanted? I mean, it’s bad enough that you’ve decided he isn’t good enough for you. But why did you have to separate him and Sirius? They were supposedly your best friends, and you’ve left Remus alone and penniless, and Sirius, idiot as he is, is positively _pining_ for him.”

Lily paused and saw with no slight indignation that Potter had set his jaw.

“Do you deny it?” she seethed.

“You are jumping to conclusions on things you know nothing about.” He said firmly. “Remus and Sirius are none of your business – butt out.”

“Well that’s not the only reason I have to dislike you.” Lily continued doggedly. “I already disliked you long before that when Severus Snape told me what you’d done to him. ”

“What is _with_ you and Snape?” James hissed.

 “It’s called _having a heart_ Potter. Anyone who knew about his problems would-“

“His problems!” James scoffed. “The guy’s got problems alright, but I don’t see what that’s got to do with me.”

“You got him kicked out of the ministry!” Lily cried, “You’ve taken e _verything_ from him – his career, his ability to earn a decent living, his chance at making a name for himself. All for what? A school-yard grudge? Or pure spite? We haven’t all inherited a nice fortune, you know – some of us need to work. You’ve made him destitute, and you have the _nerve_ to ridicule him”

 “Right” said James, who was looking furious now, “right, so this is what you think of me then. You’ve got it all figured out - I suppose you think I steal candy from babies and kick puppies as well.

“and all because I was honest instead of grovelling at your feet. Sorry Evans, but you _do_ have horrendous taste in friends. I’m not going to sugar coat it: Slughorn is a blatant Slytherin suck-up, he cares more about his precious connections than his own students, or the common good. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like it’s not weird as hell that you choose to hang around that old-“

“Has it _occurred_ to you Potter, that maybe, as a muggleborn, I’m _lucky_ to have an adult wizard looking out for me? Has it occurred to you that we don’t all have famous daddies with connections to-” Lily stopped herself abruptly and took a deep breath.

“It doesn’t matter.” She continued, now with every sign of calmness “I would never have agreed to go out with your regardless– you just spared me the bother of feeling bad about it.”

She saw him flinch at this, but he said nothing, and she continued:

“There is no way you could have asked me that would have convinced me to say yes.” She said bluntly.

Again, James’s shock was obvious. He gaped silently as she spoke.

“Ever since I’ve known you – at Hogwarts, in the Order – you have been cruel, arrogant, selfish and ignorant of the feelings of others. You make me sick. I’d go out with he giant squid before I agreed to go out with you-“

“Ok, ok. I get it.” James interrupted. “You have made your feelings very clear. Sorry for interrupting your morning – I’ll let you get back to your work.”

And within seconds he was gone.


	8. The Letter

All hope of Lily getting any work done that day was lost. From the moment Potter stalked out, Lily could think of nothing but their conversation. She replayed the argument in her mind over and over again, growing more and more anxious. She could still hardly believe what had passed – to think that James Potter of all people could have feelings for her! The famous James Potter – had walked into her dungeon and asked her out. Not just asked her out – but had confessed to having strong feelings for her. Unbelievable! Absurd!

She couldn't help but feel a little flattered by his feelings, but overall she could not regret her decision. He was far too arrogant and cruel.

When she laid down to sleep that night her mind was still reeling, and it took her a very long time to finally fall asleep.

It felt as though she had only been asleep for moments when she was woken by a tapping on her window. Drowsily, she got up to find a majestic looking disgruntled owl at her window.

Lily grabbed at the letter on the owl's leg and unfolded the parchment. It was covered in a scrawl of messy handwriting. The lines sloped to the side in places, the ink was blotted, and the letters steadily got bigger further down the page. One of the corners of the page was damp, and when Lily raised it to her nose she smelt firewhiskey. As she had suspected, James Potter's sloppy signature was scribbled across the bottom of the page. The letter read:

* * *

_Relax Evans! I've not written to offend you with my disgusting feelings again. I'm not writing to abuse you either! To be honest with you, I think it's better for us both if we just pretended that whole episode never happened._

_But! I will defend myself! I'll not have you running around repeating Snivellus's nonsense or telling people I'm a garbage person._

_I'll have you know that I LOVE Remus! If ANYONE is suffering from him moving out – It's not Sirius or Moony – It's ME! If YOU had to live with Padfoot all alone, you'd know what I was talking about._ ~~_But You DON'T know. Because you KNOW NOTHING._~~

_Making Remus move out was damn near the most SELFLESS thing I have ever done in my LIFE! And I have done A LOT of selfless things. We are staying away from him TO PROTECT HIM. Because he is SPYING on a werewolf clan, and if they know that he is still friends with James Potter The Famous Werewolf Hunter he will get MURDERED!_

_NEXT! Snivellus The Slime Ball._

_You are a bright girl. You are a perceptive girl. So HOW?_ HOW? _Can you not have figured out that SEVERUS SNAPE IS A DEATH EATER._

_He is so painfully obviously a death eater. We even had it confirmed by one of our spies – 'though anyone with eyeballs could have seen it anyway. I wasn't even the one that got him kicked out! Moody did it! I mean, he did it after I suggested it to him. But then, I guess that's my bad for wanting to keep VOLDEMORT away from the Ministry's TOP SECRET POTION RECIPES._

_ALSO! When he was telling you his sob story about how mean we were to him at Hogwarts, I bet he forget to mention that he used to PRACTICE HIS CURSES ON ME every chance he got. I STILL have scars from his damn specsumwhatever garbage. He probably didn't talk about how he called Muggleborns THE M WORD either! OR! How he figured out that Moony was a werewolf in fifth year and tried to get him EXPELLED!_

_If you think I'm too cruel, arrogant and selfish to believe, then please! Do feel free to ask Remus! ~~And while your at it~~_

_~~Next time be sure to~~ _

_Good night._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_James Potter_

Lily read the letter three times in a row without pause before quickly deciding that it was all lies. She threw the letter in the bin, switched off her light, and got into bed.

The moment her head touched the pillow, she jumped out of bed again and scooped the letter out of the bin and reread it. She spent the remainder of the night pacing around her room, her thoughts in a flurry, as she read and reread the damned letter.

She did not have much difficulty believing his account of Remus. Afterall, Lily had originally thought it unlikely that James had been responsible for Remus's state. But still, the explanation was received with difficulty by Lily, who was forced to acknowledge that she had not entirely been correct in abusing Potter the day before. Her mind scrambled to come up with some reason why she could still be right or correct, and she spent some time denying the truth to herself. But by morning she had accepted the fact that she had been wrong to blame him for Remus's misery.

But Lily did not accept that Snape was a Death Eater. It was, she decided, just Potter's typical prejudice against a high school rival. It simply could not be true.

Yet, no matter how many times she told herself that she would disregard it and go to bed, she could not stop dwelling on it. Her exhausted mind went in circles, remembering past conversation, her argument with Potter, and then the letter in her hand.

When the sun rose, Lily was still awake, although barely. She sat on top of her bed with her forehead resting on her raised knees.

She was then disturbed, for the second time, by the same grand owl pecking at the window.

Lily jumped up and anxiously collected her new letter. This letter was very brief, and it was even messier that the one before it. It read:

_You need to burn the letter I sent. Preferably before you read it if that's even possible now._

Lily read through the first letter once more, committing it all to memory, before tapping it with the tip of her wand and obediently burning it with a controlled witch flame. Just to be thorough, she burned the second letter as well.

Burning the letters was a little cathartic. With the source of her turmoil destroyed, she decided to put the entire thing behind her, and to finally get some sleep. But the moment she drew the covers over her body, there was a loud knock on her front door.

Lily felt a wave of panic wash over her. She had no doubt that it would be Potter come to ensure that his friend's secret was safe, and she simply did not have the strength to face him. For a long moment she considered ignoring the knocking and hiding. But she knew it wouldn't do. She dragged herself out of bed once more, wrapped herself in a fluffy dressing gown, and, heart beating, opened the front door.

A rather grouchy looking Remus greeted her. Lily almost collapsed in relief.

She invited him in and made a strong pot of black tea.

"Sorry to bother you so early," Remus said, taking in Lily's mess of hair and pale face. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Let me guess," Lily said dryly. "Potter sent you."

"Correct," Remus replied. "And let me tell you, I wasn't exactly pleased about being woken up this early either."

"I'm afraid it's a wasted trip - I've already burned the letter as instructed. And of course, I don't intend on telling anyone that you're– what you've been up to. So that's that."

"Yes. I told James it would be the case, but he insisted I come and impress upon you the horrible danger I'd be in if the information got out." Remus said with an eyeroll.

Lily quirked an eyebrow. "Consider it done."

The two sleepy friends sipped their tea in silence for a long moment, both stewing over their thoughts.

"Can I ask what on earth is going on with you and James?" Remus asked after a while. "He was unwilling to say much this morning."

Lily didn't really want to tell him about it either. But she knew that if she didn't, he'd just hear Potter's version of events later on. So, she took a deep breath and explained it all – starting with her trip to see Sirius and the wrong conclusion she had jumped to and ending with the letter she received this morning. She found that she was ashamed of most of it – she couldn't even look at Remus to see his reaction while she talked about her confrontation with Potter. But after the confession she found that she felt much better.

When Lily had finally finished her story, Remus was silent. Lily dared to take a peek at his face, fearing that he would be angry or upset. She was mortified to find that he was struggling to contain a laugh.

"It's not funny!" Lily moaned, dropping her face into her hands.

"I'm sorry" Remus said, trying to school his features into something more sympathetic. He failed. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm laughing at James more than I'm laughing at you."

It did make Lily feel a little better. But not much.

"How come Sirius isn't allowed to see you? I get why James can't, but Sirius isn't known for hunting werewolves."

"Everyone knows Sirius is tight with the Potters and Dumbledore," Remus explained with a wave of his hand. "To be honest Lily, I think it's a bit rich for James to be offended by the conclusions you drew, considering it was exactly what we intended everyone to think. I told the werewolves that James kicked me out when he found out that I was a werewolf. If I were being completely obedient to Moody's orders, I'd have given you that story as well - only I couldn't bring myself to lie to you. If James had taken two minutes to consider your position, he would've taken the time to properly explain to you what was going on before he asked you out."

This made Lily feel a little less foolish. Buoyed she said: " _I_ find it very rich that he takes so much credit for protecting your big secret, but then he goes and drunkenly spills it all to me," It was one of very few proper faults in Potter's actions she had been able to come up with overnight, and so she had been clinging to it.

"You should be flattered Lily, that just shows that he trusts you. I knew he didn't really believe that you were a double agent."

That made Lily start. "A double agent? What? Why on earth would anyone think that?"

Remus sighed. "You must admit Lily, it didn't look good." He said gently. "You _were_ working with a Death Eater, and then there was the grant from Malfoy.."

"Severus isn't a Death Eater." Lily said mechanically.

Remus gave her a pitying look.

"What's wrong with Malfoy?" asked Lily quickly, eager to change the subject. Slughorn had mentioned the name to Lily a couple of times, and he seemed to like the man well enough.

"As far as we can tell, Malfoy senior is a pretty standard old pureblood bigot. He holds some awful views, but we haven't found any evidence of him acting on them. His son, on the other hand, is a high-ranking Death Eater."

Lily took a long moment to process that information. "That doesn't make any sense. Why would someone like that give a grant to a Muggleborn?"

"That, I believe, is what Moody was wondering."

"I suppose Slughorn just didn't tell him." Lily mused. Now that she thought about it, Slughorn was usually eager to introduce Lily to his influential friends. It was rather odd that Lily had never even met the man who'd funded her project.

She shook herself out of these thoughts. "So let me get this straight – Potter thought I was a- a what? A spy? For Voldemort?"

Remus chose his words carefully. "I don't think James actually believed you were a spy, no. But Moody did, and James was enlisted to ensure that the proper precautions were taken. I'm sorry Lily – I should have told you about my mission myself. Only, we were all ordered not to tell you anything. You know how Moody is. James was very cross with me when I told you that I was a werewolf. But then, I knew that if I didn't tell you myself, Snape eventually would."

A memory of Potter and Remus arguing at an Order meet up bubbled to the surface of Lily's mind. She realised with a shock that Potter had not been accusing Remus of being dangerous at all – it was _Lily_ who had been the danger. Potter had partnered with her to keep her away from Remus.

A wave of frustration overcame Lily. She had given up so much for the Order, and she'd been trying so hard to do what was right. And what had she got in return? Suspicion. Accusations. Was any of the work she'd done for the Order even real? Or had they been giving her fake jobs and fake information to keep her busy?

It was all too much. The foolish accusations against Severus that continued to gnaw at her, the confrontation with Potter, the sleepless night, the revelation that she was a suspect, and worst of all – the growing suspicion that it was all her fault. With a stab of alarm, Lily realised that she was going to cry.

In a quiet and shaking voice, she politely asked Remus to leave so that she could sleep.

Remus agreed easily enough, but just before he walked out the door he hesitated for a moment, before gently saying, "Listen Lily – I want to thank you. You might have got some of the details wrong, but you were right about one thing: I have been miserable. James is a good friend.. but he's always been surrounded by friends and family. I don't think he realises how hard it is to do this kind of work all alone. There was a time when he would have taken whatever risk necessary to keep me company.. to be honest, I think the war is changing him. He's becoming more and more like Moody. So thank you for speaking to James for me. I appreciate it." Before Lily could reply, he stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

As soon as he was gone, Lily's tears came pouring down. She hugged herself tightly and sunk to the floor, struggling to keep her sobs quiet so that Remus wouldn't hear them as he walked away.

After some time, she dragged herself into bed, and immediately fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

* * *

Severus frowned at the clock in the dungeon. It was now midday and Lily still hadn't shown up. It wasn't like her to not owl. He stilled the growing anxiety by reminding himself that she can't have been attacked by anyone working for Voldemort – he'd seen to that himself.

With a little effort, he threw himself back into his work. It was a huge understatement to say he'd been less than impressed by the subject matter of Lily's project at first. In _his_ opinion, the best way to treat werewolves was with a death curse, not a potion.

But as time had gone on, he had begun to find the challenge rather interesting. He still didn't think much of werewolves, but he'd always enjoyed learning about curses. This particular project combined his interest in curse theory and his interest in potions. He was surprised by how absorbed he'd become in the work.

Of course, it wasn't just the topic that made the project enjoyable for Snape. Snape had a difficult time quantifying the way he felt about Lily Evans. At first he'd despised her and when she'd been sympathetic to his issues, and appreciated his skills, he'd barely acknowledged that she wasn't terrible.

Snape had never had a real friend before. He was used to considering his 'friends' as a means to an end. If a friend held him back, he wouldn't hesitate to drop them. Not one of his friends felt any differently about him – he knew that for certain now because that was exactly what had happened when he lost his Ministry job.

The fact that Malfoy Senior had given the grant to Lily was particularly galling for Snape. It would have cost Lucius Malfoy nothing to put in a word to his father about giving the grant to Snape. But Malfoy hadn't even done that. Many of his other Death Eater 'friends' were in a position to help Snape find employment – but none of them had. Snape was left wondering if they had wanted him to fail all along.

But Lily was different. Lily had helped him when everyone else hadn't. Snape would never have associated with a witch like Lily Evans in the past – he never would have expected a Muggleborn Gryffindor to be able to give him anything worth having. Yet, despite the fact she was poorer than any of the Death Eaters, she'd given him more. She could have paid him less – he was in no position to negotiate. But she had given him as much as she could afford. At the time he'd thought her a soft-hearted fool and scorned her pity. But in time he'd become begrudgingly grateful.

Of course, the alarming thing was not that Snape liked Lily for what she'd done for him. What was truly alien to Snape was the fact that he simply enjoyed her company. He was slowly realising that he would like her even if she couldn't give him a wage. He was embarrassed to admit to himself that he liked her and even cared about her regardless of what she could do for him.

He dearly hoped that she wouldn't take it too hard when the plan regarding Lydia was enacted.

Finally, at three in the afternoon, Lily appeared. She looked tired and unhappy, and Snape was a little disgusted with himself when he realised that he was concerned.

She brushed aside his questions and made no excuse for her absence throughout the day. Then she fixed him with those bright green eyes and asked him point blank if he was a Death Eater.

Snape, of course, denied it. He was no fool. She looked relieved, but awkwardly asked him to lift up his sleeve just to be sure.

Snape went very still. He opened his mouth to make some kind of excuse, but could think of nothing to say.

Lily understood immediately. For a brief moment, it looked as though she would cry, but then everything about her hardened. In a quiet voice she ordered him to leave, and to not come back.

Snape scrambled to take control of the situation. He knew Lily Evan's wouldn't really turn him out – she was far too soft hearted. He explained to her that he never really had any problem with Muggleborns. He tried to make her understand that he had only joined because Voldemort's victory was inevitable, and because he had thought that it was the best way to get ahead.

To his astonishment, she did not accept his explanation. If anything, she seemed even more disgusted. Once again, she told him to leave.

Snape could hardly believe it was happening. He stared at her, trying to understand what had changed. The answer came to him in a rush – it was James Potter. He didn't know how, but it had to be him. It always was. How else would Lily Evans even know the Dark Mark existed? It was one of the Voldemort's best kept secrets.

He told her that he knew it was James Potter. She tried to deny it – she said that a lot of people had tried to warn her. But Snape had recently began teaching himself Legilimency. He hadn't yet learned to properly navigate a person's mind, but he knew enough to see that her denial was a lie.

Lily coolly told him that he needed to be out of the Dungeon within an hour, before turning around and stalking out.


End file.
